Ever since I can remember I have never fit in…not with friends and definitely not with family. Ever since I can remember I would put my headphones on and escape with my music:relieved:. Even though my range of music extends far…my go to was always LP. Now with this tremendous loss I feel even more lost. My fiance is trying to understand me and my demons. I’ve struggled with depression,anxiety, cutting,and addiction and everyone’s favorite…suicidal thoughts:pensive:. I tried to talk to someone professional only to have them sit and stare at me in awe. " wow I don’t know how you managed to survive so much and still be standing!" Well I did, I’d take myself out of reality and Chester would take me away… I, myself have tried to explain why Chester’s death hurt me the way it did. But I still get that look like I’m crazy! I wasn’t able to go to Vegas to the memorial today but I watched it live, I of course cried…but more importantly I realized I’m not alone.
Hey there! Welcome to the forum.
Well, I know how you feel. With my family (Mother’s side) I’m the black sheep. The outsider. But in this place I could find what I needed: People who loves and take care of me, like I do with they. So if you need a friend here you will find a lot of them. We are Soldiers and, someway, we are passed for the same. We’re for you. If you want to distract you check out the area of the game.
Thanks! I may need to, apart from trying to come to terms with Chester’s passing, I have the anniversary of my brother taking his life. I use to find a LP concert each year to celebrate my brothers life. This year I was so excited to take my son to his 1st LP concert … But now I don’t know what to do
I’ve always been an outcast throughout my life so I know how it feels. No one to support you, not even some members of your “family” to help you. It started through my childhood, especially in the years 2004/2005 and over the next 10+ years,no one helped me out. (I was only 4/5 back then so everything that was going on made no sense to me and my young mind).
I tried reaching out to friends but one by one they betrayed in some way or another, leaving none to trust apart from my mum and dad. At age 7, I started, karate (a type of martial arts) to get rid of the anger and during the next 4 years, I got the highest grade through blood, sweat and tears. Chester’s voice helped me to get a snarl and a growl that was useful to me as I was nicknamed “Beast” (which I liked ) LPs music has helped me through the years that no other child should go through,I listened to an album of theirs a day minimum! So you are not alone.
During my high school and the first years of college, the same thing happened, I got let down so many times I can’t remember how many exactly but it’s a huge number. So now the only people I trust are my parents and my Nan. Only now can my family be rebuild our lives and like what Chester said:
“What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”!
Anyway, if you need to talk, there are thousands of people on here who are happy to listen.
So I hope your fiancée helps the both of you!
Take your time to let you feel what you need to feel: Sadness, happiness, love, angry, hate, hope, grace, peace, etc. but please share it with us, we will do everything we can do for you.
I’m genuinely amazed and touched. The few I had to turn to passed away when I was young. Sadly my parents are not the caring type. And while I can hide easier in my dad’s side of the family I’m that lone wolf. I did find kickboxing, shortly after I got out of a very abusive relationship. My nickname was killer😉. The one person I could always turn to and talk to about the darkness was my brother, we were just under a year apart and had been thru hell together. We use to talk eachother out of the worst times. I still feel selfish for trying counseling, cause while I was focused on that he fell on dark times. Just a week after I finished my counseling and was planning on taking my brothers offer to move me and my son with him and his family… he took his life. Ever since then, I have found my self in the darkest moments yet. LP and Chester helped me thru this so much i even played leave out all the rest at his funeral.
I wish I would have taken this step sooner, for as long as I can remember I have tried to talk to “friends” or people that cared but as soon as something real came up they would cut me off and change the subject. Yet here I actually feel as if these words are real, the concern is true. Thank u
They are. I always preocupate for those who pass for a bad momet. Yes, maybe I’m not an expert but I don’t like see how others suffer and almost nobosy tries to help. Maybe we never meet in person, but I’ll do my best to help others. Any thing you want to say, just do it! Here always be someone hearing you.
I have so much going thru my mind. I wish I could just unleash everything and finally know how to breathe freely. Even just the few replies give me a glimpse of hope. Maybe I’m not crazy, maybe I’m not so different… Maybe I just never found where I truly belong… I just hate that it took a loss of this magnitude to push me out of my comfort zone
I understand you. I passed for the same 3 years ago. In my family (Mother’s side) I am just another person, no love neither good comunication. But I found a place with my father and his family. What I want to say is that there is always a place for us somewhere, you can find hope and help here. Stay strong Soldier!
its never too late to come out of your comfort zone maybe this being online helps this be that first step in coming out that lone wolf position; I just barely feel I left that myself though in real life its still difficult-one day at a time though don’t forget that
also do realize there isn’t a single person who isn’t scarred in some way shape or form
I say that to make the point that you aren’t different or the outlier in the equation, that youre not by yourself on the outside, people are all over the map on an emotional level its just some people cope in weird ways
those people that turn away perhaps cant face something real which is why they cant handle being in the thick of it
people on here are all good people, we come from different places and walks of life but youll find out were all here together for good and bad give it time and work on each day and youll find your lot in life and that freedom and peace you desire
It’s crazy I’ve watched the memorial and tributes to Chester and all i can do is cry, I wish I could be there and actually feel apart of something! Unfortunately I have to keep the Grief and pain I feel, to myself because it’s seems like everyone around me sees it as crazy, but Chester’s voice was what played over and over thru my pain. Thru the abuse, the depression, and the pain of addiction. He was there thru it all. listening to the lyrics and closing out the world was what kept me alive, now with him gone I fear what will help me now!? It’s been a roller coaster all over again, I have been trying to deal with my brothers suicide using LP…but now
totally know what you mean about people calling it crazy some family looked at me like what? seriously? blah blah just tell em to f off haha
he may be gone but his music is not and neither is the rest of the band and neither are all the people who cared and still do and because of what happened there are a number of connections people have made with one another
you have your fiancée and fellow fans and LPU members to help
My poor fiancee has been trying to understand this, he’s already been thru a lot with me. He stood by me with my brothers suicide. In fact he would go with me to the Linkin park concert each year on my brothers anniversary. We had even planned on taking my son this time. But I had to break it my son that it wouldn’t happen. I had escaped the conversation about mental illness with him before but this time around I felt this overwhelming urge to talk to him about it. Nothing intense just tried to explain why I was so sad so much and why Chester would do something so final. It was hard because I wanted to break down even as I said his name. I’m still trying to figure out how or why Chester hit me as hard as my brother…but I can’t even explain it
its just someone you leaned on, maybe he was a stranger in person but the connection you make with even just a song can be just as strong as a personal connection
there’s no issue with it being ineffable…value the connection and let it stand for that
That’s the best thing I’ve heard! I have so many songs that have helped me thru different times. It’s pathetic but I was just beginning to be able to listen to the full song for leave out all the rest. After my brother died I couldn’t, it took years to make it thru the song. Now I have a entire playlist that I have to work thru😢, their songs always spoke to me so deeply and now all I see is his pain along side mine. Even my fiancee is worried that I may give up my fight…hell I’m afraid as well
fight through on a daily basis in their memory and make your brother proud
I will continue to do my best.
I apologize for the rambling, but I don’t feel judged and y’all make me feel so normal. I really do feel like I can turn here for support
no apologies needed, everyone and everything positive is welcome here and I’m glad you feel comfortable here, feel free to join in on the other threads and games, itll help you get involved and allow others to meet you as well
I would say that if I was an animal, I would be a wolf as well. (I think that for one reason is I love werewolves and wolves but anyway) I have a soft and gentle side which explains my personality but if someone annoys me, I can instantly turn and snarl/growl to that person, especially if they said that they hated Linkin Parks music or if they said something about my parents. Today’s pop music also annoys me as well. I once was picked on in primary school because I listened to LP and rock music in general and for a girl, that is unusual.
A person said that they wish that Linkin Park wasn’t as famous as they were and I went beserk and crazy, leaving him terrified for his life. That was back in 2009 and me and my parents didn’t know the problems after that year.
It seemed that no one could understand the problems I went through the past years and if they did and they become my “friend”, the relationship would last about a year and a half to two years then it would crumble away quicker than what I would thought.
Now in 2017, it seems that I listen to LP more than ever to what has happened and if I haven’t listened to LP or got the help from my parents, I certainly would not be here, typing this reply to you. Im about to start my second year in college and during my break, I got no replies from anyone which is usual.
So I wish you and your fiancée all the best!! Hugs are with you!!