Snowfall in August
In memory of all those who fell silently, like the snow, and we did not see until the morn. “I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing Light of your own being.”**
There are times in life when this world fails to make sense.
I often sit observing it from afar, as though I am no more part of it. I no longer know how to connect with others and slowly become disjointed from the world, and perhaps life itself. Soon, if I do not find a way, I will float off into the darkness and be lost forever.
In many ways, it didn’t quite matter, because connections were only temporary after all. At least that’s what I told myself. Or perhaps more, what I had been taught. I had known many people over the years. People I thought I would know until the end of time itself. Yet, if you asked me where they were today I honestly couldn’t tell you.
So many times, when I wondered ‘who cares’, people would tell me they do and that I mattered. In reality, nobody can show you care all the time. At least, probably not when you need it most because they cannot see your pain. The truth is, you must learn to care about yourself and fill that void from within. Something must activate from the inside, to keep you fighting every battle, even on the days when the silence of your sorrow is deafening.
True, there is an incomparable beauty in connecting and caring for others. It allows us to lean on others in times of difficulty and tragedy, and lift one another up when we can’t quite manage to rise from the fall. There is a powerful comfort in knowing you can turn to those who understand your pain. To listen to old friends who sing the words you feel but can’t express out loud. There is nothing quite like that feeling of belonging, of being understood, and above all, of being loved.
We must continue to laugh together, cry together, and always, always sing together. Talk, even when we’re afraid of sharing our inner demons. Bleed out the words, as you fight your demons and you will obliterate them. There is a whole army at your disposal, if only you would fight.
Sometimes we tell ourselves stories of our futures. We try to make the stories meaningful and bright, but they rarely become what we had imagined. A dull, sadness pierces the falsehood of our visions as they slowly slip away, leaving traces of something that was once precious and pure of heart.
The real battle is fighting the resentment the emptiness leaves behind.
To not linger on all you do not have, or all that you are not in comparison to the seemingly jubilant world below. To allow yourself to breathe, despite the airless dark clouds under which your soul sits. Learn to breathe deeply and fill the hollow inside with all the Light that you have, and all that you love. No matter how far away it has drifted.
Do not deprive yourself of the very spirit that fell unwillingly into this world, crumpled and crying, fighting wildly to survive. Do not become someone you are not because of the wounds life has inflicted upon your fragile heart. Those scars that have healed, but still sting day to day. Instead, look up and see that even the stars, sitting stagnant above treetops in dark skies, seemingly out of reach, still exist in their quiet discord.
Despite the façade of a beaming, sunny world below, remember, the snow will fall in August. It covers many in a silent blanket of unrest and isolation, suffocating even a tremble of warmth or comfort inside.
But they are not alone and lost in this unyielding snowstorm.
Every time someone or something tries to get you down, look at yourself like someone you love. Care about yourself like someone you deeply care for. Save yourself, because we would save you… If only we knew how.
A new tomorrow will come. There is nothing that can’t be fixed. No wound that can’t heal. No habit that can’t be broken.
Today is the beginning, not the end.
Note: It is not always those who ask for help that need it most. If you can ask it’s usually a good sign that a) you actually want help and b) some hope remains. It is those who fall silently, much like the snow and need the courage to speak out and kill the silence, not the Light.
** by the poet Hafiz of Shiraz