I’m kind of stuck at 3 and 4…I’ll be ok for a while and then a video comes up where Chester is singing at a concert and I get mad again. But I feel it’s more at myself for waiting so long to see them. However it was not my fault either because I just never had the funds and neither did my parents. I am so angry I didn’t get to see Chester and I get especially mad knowing I would have met him in 2 days…ugh it’s been a struggle
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I was in denial,and I wanted this to be fake news, I mean I could deal with the headlines saying, “Hospitalized after suicide attempt, but getting help” but not this. I am feeling a mix of anger, pain and sadness because of what happened in the first place. And I loved Chester since day one. It’s gonna be really hard for me to accept he is gone.
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Same here…
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After two weeks the stage 1 and 4 really hit me hard today as I read Chester’s and Talinda’s Twitter for hours. Chester praised us for being such an amazing crowd in Prague 
And he and Talinda were so happy together…
Then I watched this one, it’s so beautiful. I miss him so much 
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I think I am slowly entering into level 5. I cried for 14 days straight after he died, sometimes multiple times a day. But yesterday, I woke up, shed a few tears realizing it had been a full two weeks, and something in my shifted. I thought to myself, Chester wouldn’t want any of us to be so sad like this for so long. He’d want us to be happy, and listen to his music, and support each other. He wouldn’t want us to be so sad. I allowed myself the two weeks to wallow in utter heartbreak, and I am still heartbroken, but I want to try and pull myself out of it- mostly because I haven’t been able to listen to their music since he passed, and I miss it. I want to listen to it and remember all the concerts I went to, all the awesome times I had at those shows. I want to smile when I remember Chester, not cry. I’m trying. I never thought I’d be so devastated over the death of someone I never even met. But in my head, he was one of my best friends for the last 16 years.
Hang in there everyone, I love all of you guys!!! Take however long you need to grieve, the process is different for everyone and NO ONE has the right to tell you how to feel! Hugs!!!
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Everyone processes grief differently. Calling someone irritational is extremely insensitive and judgemental. Good for you that you got over it and moved on it two seconds. Not everyone can do that. Try having some compassion instead of being so cold.
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Im angry at him for leaving his wife and kids to fend for themselves for the rest of their lives …I’m angry at him for deveststing the lives of his poor kids who didn’t ask to be brought into this world…I’m angry at him for just leaving his band mates high and dry and ending LP and I’m angry at him for not leaving a note so no one will ever know why he did it.
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I’m with you on this, but I’ve also found it’s getting incrementally better every day. I think, for me, one of the reasons Chester’s death has hit me so hard (and others too, I’m guessing) is because, through his lyrics and music, we all felt like we knew him.
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Exactly! And honestly, for me personally, the way in which he died makes it just that much more awful. Someone who sang about fighting the demons for so long, who saved so many lives of people that were going through the worst times in their lives but made it through because of LP and Chester’s voice… for that same person to take their own life, is just horrible and so hard to swallow.
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It is completely normal to feel angry. That was one emotion that was pretty strong for me the first two days. But after watching that now infamous interview where he talks about the daily struggle to fight the “other Chester” in his head… I can’t imagine how much he struggled, how much he suffered trying to fight those demons for 30 years. Every day he had to get up and fight to make it through, fight to make it another day. Mental illness is so scary. When you get suicidal and into that dark space in your head, nothing matters- not your family, not your friends, the fans, the money, NOTHING. They just want it to stop. They want that other voice in their head to shut up. And dying becomes a better option to them than having to suffer another day. I think after fighting for 30 years he just got tired of the fight. Thinking about all of this made me not as angry as I was and made me understand just a little bit as to why he did it. But I still wish he hadn’t <3
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I am slowly getting better one day & step at a time. Even writing Talinda an Open Letter the other day made me feel better (just a little) I wasn’t angry at all, just sad. No rage just tears strolling down my cheek
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Stuck at 4.
Right now: 4.
7, because the energy under us left behind is so very caring at the moment that it is just inspirating…
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I don’t blame you. Chester’s death is the one celebrity death I probably am gonna have a tough time recovering from as well. Everyone from different generations, has a musician they admired growing up back in the day, when they pass on, it’s real tough. Some of you have parents that remembered when John Lennon was shot and killed. I too remember coming home from shopping I heard it on the car radio. I was 8 then. But that is another story. I hope this helps. As far as this is concerned, you’re not alone on this one. Some people like myself are gonna have a tough time getting over this one.
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I keep switching back and forth between 1-4 and mind you it’s already been two weeks. Unfortunately during this entire time I’ve started cutting myself almost every single day since the 20th. I’m pretty much grieving the same way as I did when my best friend died. Speaking of my friend, the third anniversary of his death is on the 10th and my local Chester memorial is going to be happening two days later. I will say though that what makes the mourning process different from my my friend’s is that 1) I never knew Chester personally and 2) I didn’t cut myself everyday when my best friend died. I’m gonna go out of my way and confess that I was very close to doing the same thing Chester did that day because a lot of things in my life that day was going bad and hearing the news of his death was my final blow. Anyway I’m hanging on by a thread here and everyday is a struggle for me to not end my life. I know this makes me insane but I guess in this way I probably deserve death since I doubt the planet wants any more crazy people like me to exist.
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Please please PLEASE do NOT hurt yourself anymore!!! You are not alone in your pain and suffering. Many of us are also so deeply saddened about Chester’s passing. I am so sorry that you’ve been having a lot of bad stuff happen lately, too. In February, my friend also killed himself by hanging. He was the first person I’ve ever known personally to commit suicide. I’d had friends try before, but he was the first to go through with it all the way. It was so hard to overcome that tragedy. In May, Chris Cornell killed himself by hanging. I started listening to Soundgarden years before I ever heard of Linkin Park. Chris Cornell was one of my greatest musical influences. I still hadn’t gotten over his death before Chester killed himself. A week before Chester died, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. Then, three days after Chester’s death, another friend of mine died from a heroin overdose. All of this hurts. And you…I don’t even know you, but your hurting makes me cry. I don’t want you to die. You are important to me, to the world, and to the Linkin Park community. You are HERE. You are ONE of MANY! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! We are together in love and sadness and healing. Thank you for coming here to express yourself. That means that you DO NOT want to die. You want to LIVE! You want to fight and you are looking for a person to fight right by you. WE ARE HERE fighting right by you.
“I hear my battle symphony
All the world in front of me
If my armor breaks
I’ll fuse it back together.”
Sometimes you need some help to fuse that armor back together. There’s strength in numbers. Thank you for being here with us. We can’t lose you
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Even me… That was so nice…
It’s okay… He was just telling his experience.
@the_termin8r …
I know everyone’s mental strengths are different but friends…
“You were given this life cause you are strong enough to live it”
I wont say that just forget everything and move on… Calm down…
I know most of them are still weak but would like to say stay strong, hope for the best, time will help you out 
.
First and foremost, i am so deeply sorry for your losses. I had a friend who also died of suicide by hanging. That stung me most of all. We were so close to the point where we even dated a few times, he was the only person who understood me and helped me through my phase when I started cutting myself. He was there for me when i felt alone. Wanna know the sucky part about losing one of your good friends to suicide? I should’ve been there to help him, maybe he still would’ve been here with his loved ones. He was in so much pain, pain that I never even knew about & it was probably so deep that maybe he couldn’t get himself out of whatever darkness he was in. At times, i’ve blamed myself and the pain of grabbing a sharp object felt even worse. I lost a someone i’ve loved,…a friend, a soulmate.
A few days ago, my stepdad and me have been talking on the phone for 20 minutes talking about life and how much Linkin Park meant to me and how he was the one that got me on Linkin Park in 2000 when I was just about 10 years old at the time. He’s in California, he took flowers & posters to Chester’s house and even my open letter that I wrote for him 4 years ago after seeing them in concert (also 2004 when i believe when they’ve done the Projekt Revolution Tour) about how much him & the band meant to me. He even offered me some life advice, If I see anyone struggling with depression, any type of anxiety or drugs, alcohol & sexual abuse, help them, doesn’t matter if I know them or not, just sit down, talk to them, take them out for lunch and just let your presence be known so that they know they’re not alone in this world.
So as a 27 year old single mother,
who has started cutting herself at age 9,
who has been sexually abused at 11,
loss of a parent on my 16th bday to cancer,
losing 2 brothers to car accidents,
losing a close friends to suicide & there were my bad days when i would drink & cut myself, well as of today, I am 8 months sober. I never thought on how strong I was until today. Growing up listening and idolizing grunge, punk, nu-metal, hell even alternative music even in this day in age. I am so happy to be alive and getting to see alot of my favorite bands & getting to enjoy my life.
How did I manage to stay calm & strong? Well my meds (valium) my son, friends and family, going to concerts, yoga etc. It’s alot of stuff I don’t tell my family or my friends, because they’ll never understand me. I already feel like I am a burden to them. I already think of myself as a statistic. So yeah hearing of other people’s death breaks me and hearing how they died takes me back even more.
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I’m not sure why I seem to be so important to you and the LP community considering I haven’t been on here that long. I do appreciate your empathy a lot though and that you’re willing to fight with me. I guess I’m confused seeing as I don’t feel like I’m important at all. Even then it’s not like LP would lose much seeing as there will just be one more fan to replace me. If anything knowing what you’ve been going through this year compared to myself makes me think that I’m just a very weak person since you’ve gone through so much worse. I am glad that you’re able to be a lot stronger than me regarding what’s happened to you because honestly I probably wouldn’t be here at all if I had that happen to me. Thank you for reaching out to me.