Does this sound okay, if not, what would you change?
Dear Mr ***,
I am emailing you about a request for a live band performance at our school for the Year 11’s (my year group) as it is our final chance to relax before the stressful weeks of exams. In order to fund this, I believe that we should begin fundraising for their charity Music for Relief. I am asking this as there are quite a few Linkin Park fans in our year. This, I feel is a way of not only enjoying the concert, but as a way of showing that we are a determined and caring school when it comes it fundraising, as we always have been. Of course, this comes down to your decision whenever it goes ahead or not.
Thank you for reading this and I hope you consider this,