Well that sucks…
But at least you dont have to get to meet annoying people up at the office, right… look at the bright side 
1 Like
seems like an interesting post and it would be a shame if somehow some way it found itself anomalía es so I’m taking it upon myself to save it muahahahaha 
Anyway heck yeah! I’d say quite often, I know I just write whatever spills out most of the time but contrary to the natural expectation, I’ve got quite a bit of filter in my head 
I think at times I’m expecting to people to shut me up for good saying enough is enough
Even then a lot of attempt at humor is in a way some form of defense, to water down anything meaningful I wanna say I think
The mom/baby thing 
how do you interpret it applies to this situation just before? the forum is the mum and we’re the babies
Our mum is pretty dang good if that is the case I would say
5 Likes
And I’ve been just wondering why you quoted the whole post… Seems we are playing a game - who’s first? me to delete it or you to quote it. The score for now is 1:1.
Really? As you know what to expect from me, I know - more or less - what to expect from you 
Fun, fun, fun till you get really mad at someone… Then you’ve got a massive attack from the air.
2 Likes
You were underestimating me 
As you say, for now 
That’s quite troubling 
Lol that’s simplifying it far too much 
The dork in me is the usual me, the crap talker with the onions, having fun play talking bs is the dude side of me, that uhh ehh dark side only comes out to play when I’m fed up with something, when someone I care about is messed with, stuff like that…
And I stay quiet for a long time before I say something… I’d say I reason and try to reach out before, but there comes a point where yeah that side will speak lol
Even then I’d still talk to those few people and bury the hatchet if the time came 
just not if the same stuff is gonna keep happening 
Buuuuuut, this feels like you’re distracting from the point of conversation
3 Likes
Me? It was you.
1 Like
Ah!
You didn’t even answer my questions 
Also, what were you going to post initially that brought this whole thought into your head about whether you should post or not
Eagerly awaiting the post to quote it all
2 Likes
Seen only one. Rethorical by its nature…
Advice: quote everything
1 Like
Nooooo! There was another added just now as to the origin of this train of thought
Heyyyyy you all, i was disappearing again… 
I really shouldn’t be here on my phone rn but i’m avoiding doing my art project for school aaargh:grin:
But i can’t do it right now.
Partly for health, more for the animals and environment. I’m not completely veggie, but avoiding meat as good as possible. It feels good to me😊
Tomorrow we’re doing a “oktoberfest day”, we all wear our “tracht” in school😉
And love your tatoos! Thx for sharing!
Totally agree! my experiences in talking with others about that are that we educate ourselves, wich is good but there are ofc a lot of people who also don’t. But still, i feel like more and more start to (want to) learn more about mental health, it should be thaught in school!
But over the years, especially this year, more friends of mine opened up about their therapy or mental health wich is so great. That one friend with the eating disorder, she’s so open about it now, tells me about her (very nice) therapist, about the clinic, about how she’s recovered, even without me asking her, and it feels so good and relieving❤ i think we all would feel less pressured if we learned aboug it and talked openly about it.
I didn’t know about it, thanks for sharing! I find stuff like that so interesting!!
I once read something about an experiment(don’t remember specific parts or where i read it) about monkey babies and their needs, it was about finding out what they want/need the most: food/water or their mother’s love. They all chose love over food.
@anna834 i send you all my support and love.
it feels surreal reading your posts about you and your grandmother. It’s so similar to what i’ve experienced. I can’t really find helping words, i’m so sorry. Maybe: it’s good whenever you feel happy for a moment or even very long moment. It’s also good to let it all out. You can wait to feel “ready to let her go” but for such a thing you can’t really be ready. Aaargh this is depressing, not helping. I just wish i could hug you really really long; words often don’t help
Maybe another farm report can make you smile?
I spent this weekend at the farm again. And i know i say this every time i’ve been there, but it was so.beautiful. it were the last days of summer. I went swimming, i feel so strong and healthy in my body now. And the air was incredibly clear and fresh, and i was reading LOTR infront of the house catching the last rays of sun and i just kept inhaling air like i was addicted to it(i think i was) and i really understood the Ent😉 “some weeks i spent with nothing but breathing”( those ents somehow remind me of you, Anna, because they’re shepherds too, but of the trees instead of sheep.) I seriously even miss the air there. (With breathing with the mask in school all day long i really needed that. I would need it every day tho, my concentration is so low and i often have a headache. We aren’t even allowed to go outside during the short breaks. But i don’t wanna rant about that now, better tell more from the farm)
Me and my youngest brother slept outside again and we saw THE LONGEST SHOOTING STAR EVER, it was so bright and last so long i wasn’t even sure it was a shooting star, but ut couldn’t have been something else… it really was a few seconds long. It was so beautiful and special.
And we helped the farmer to bring all the cows to a fresh field, but two calfs ran away and literally everyone able to run had to help catching them and bringing them back.(in the end everything was good)
Oooh, and the calfs that i knew since their birth, i recognized them! And i believe they did too! Both of them and their mothers were looking at me in a way that i feel like we remember each other. That was nice🥺
I think this was the final weekend there, next year it will be different without the apartement and everything… i gave the farmer a painting i made for him
He was so happy:sob:
and we talked a lot and he found this summer just as special as we did and i can’t really put into words what i felt at that moment but i felt so connected with him and this place and with myself and thinking about it makes me tear up because i was so happy… i’m still happy thinking back but i have to be careful to not get sad, and i have to concentrate to recall all those memories. That’s my mood for the entire week or longer i guess, and nobody in rl can understand why i’m so quiet, and why i’m on the edge of crying, bc i feel like i don’t belong to school or to the city now and bc i feel so free and happy there and now “being back in my own life” seems so boring and like it doesn’t really matter. When i was there, i didn’t even need music. Usually i listen to music every day, and i really need it, but not there. Hm. This got so long🤔(@anomalia now i have that moment, of thinking is this annoying ??)and i didn’t even say everything i wanted to say. Anyways, i have to go to sleep now, idk why this ended so sad now, i’m also eternally happy and grateful to have made those experiences and to have all the memories, it’s one of the best things that happened to me in life.
Sending you all love and hugs:hugs:
7 Likes
@anna834 Thank you, I’ll take any good vibes right now.
As much as I don’t want to take any, I have to, especially when I’m at work. I could barely walk this morning, it was horrible. We’ll see how it goes, I’ll remember your suggestion for next time and look it up.
As for the book (@anomalia), I’ve already read parts of it since the lecturers shared them with us last year so I’m curious for the results. Music and mental health was the base of my dissertation so I’ve done quite some research on the subject, interesting findings!
@zanybelle I like it that I can talk about it more freely now and people slowly understand that it’s ok.
And yay for mental health days! I’ve taken one before, my manager has as well and it’s great!
Good luck with work! I was bombarded with emails and texts after his speech tonight so I’m definitely in for a busy one tomorrow.
@Linkineli I love that drawing so much!!! Wow!
Glad you enjoyed another weekend at your happy place, hope you have a great week ahead! 
OT: It was a good one at work, happy to be distracted from life problems for the day. As much as I would love to (and more so my parents), we have decided it’s not wise for me to travel home right now for various reasons. Risk of long flight, risk of yet another lockdown and me being stuck there or having to quarantine coming back (would be super hard with work etc) it’s just not the right time. I’ll see how things go and maybe I’ll manage to travel before the new year or so…
Spent the evening watching Bake Off with the flatmate, so happy it is back!
7 Likes
good morning family humpday 
yay - have to keep it short - morning rush as always the last 3 weeks but yeah, it’s over today next week- that keeps me up 
Sending you guys strength- 
- and remember that we’re in this together bonecrushers and #makechesterproud
Ot: 
7 Likes
Hang in there!!! One more week one more week!
You’ve got this-exactly as you said! In it together so we got your back! 
Have a great day and take care! 
Edit:
3 hours seems about right 
thank you!
1 Like
thank you my dear 
good goodnight 
then … Neandertaler just slept 3 hrs a night but seriously: have a good night’s rest 
1 Like
Again, my work day started by going in early to move furniture into storage. We had a second CONEX box delivered yesterday, but today, a couple of us went in early to store more furniture inside the first one since we still have a little more room to work with.
What you can’t see in this photo are all the tables and teachers’ desks that are already crammed in there.
This is what’s left to move. I’m sure there’s probably more scattered around the building that will be moved as well, but for now, this is it.
The last of the desks are all in front of the bleachers, the rest of that stuff is miscellaneous furniture that will also be moved in.
I saw a cement truck out in the new lot when I arrived today.
Sometimes I find myself typing posts, then deleting everything I just typed, and posting something else, or unrelated to what I was typing.
7 Likes
hello everybody, it’s wednesday just 2 1/2 more days to go
that’s the problem. We have to pay 499,99 € in europe to get the PS5. I don’t get it, why we pay more. That’s one of the points, why I’m not gonna buy the PS5 before 2021 christmas maybe. The two versions are another point, it’s a f’ck you to every collector, who wants the games in physical.
some socks for autumn or winter? 
hello dear 
good to read that you had some time for yourself
Also beautiful pictures and a walk in the woods is always satisfying sending a lots of strength and love to you.
Edit: I got a message from you, I’m answering later
I found some very weird pictures from our concert in Offenbach Damn, did you recognize the pictures with the one guitarist from Zebrahead?
I think the ‘very dark times’ for nu metal/metalcore are kinda ended? Speaking of ‘old bands’ - what are your thoughts about ‘Mudvayne’ and do you like ‘Hellyeah’? (some members of Mudvayne are in these band)
It’s always hard to choose, bc I want so many but sometimes you have to do a choice,which songs gives you a little more than the other one
that’s really scary dear and the best wishes for the next things! It sounds quite good yet, when I understood it right?
that would be interesting
thank you dear - take little steps and take every step as an accomplishment
That really sucks with your plans (flight, visiting your parents) but safety first, right? 
Stay positive and enjoy the day
best wishes for that exam - you can do it! Also I’m doing good, still take some time for tattoo recovery. But also enjoying the last hours of ‘summer’
Any plans for the weekend yet?
that’s a really interesting posting dear, and that’s my ‘point of view’: Sometimes, when I write a new posting, I think to myself that maybe nobody or hardly anyone cares what I write, how I am doing or what I do. Nevertheless, especially in Corona times, it is a daily routine for me that I wouldn’t want to miss these days. Furthermore, through this exchange I also got to know @ anna834 for example and we visited a concert together. I find the exchange with so many people from different countries simply exciting and even loving ones from people who live far away can do you good
So don’t be afraid and share your feelings, thoughts and everything you want
naaah, I like your ‘crazy attitude’ dude 
That sounds good, when it satisfies you. Also thank your for your compliment and how awesome is this: An ‘Oktoberfest day’ at school? Even the teachers?
hello pat it’s over → you’re gonna go on a vacation? yeah, just 2 1/2 more days. Maybe some more energy…and coffee
At least you have good weather Andy - take it to regain some energy , but just this question: How old are these chairs/desks? It looks like ‘the 80’s’ or something
powerful and lovely tags to @drounzer @anngelenee @raz7 (sad news: the rammstein circus project is also canceled), @IronSoldier16 @lplove @lpfan61 @Lilyope @alz89 @rickvanmeijel @amitrish
OT: Just had an awesome morning walk and gonna enjoy the last sunny hours. Also I have to buy my dad a birthday gift, because he’s got birthday this week
Wishing everyone a good day - stay safe, healthy & awesome
17 Likes
then game on! where’s yours?
1 Like
So, I promised Anna to reply. And yeah, I want to, cause it is a theme I read a lot about.
But I have to convince my brain to concentrate.
Hm, it’s different for me. It’s easier to post in front of so many. So I don’t have the feeling, I put too much on someone. It’s getting more difficult, the more I’m attached to people.
I have read a lot about this. First was: “Die Suche nach dem verlorenen Glück” (the Continuum Concept) by Jean Liedloff. She was one of the first to look in that direction. That she made her own concept out of it, isn’t really for me. But still, interesting read.
My absolute favourite are the books by Michel Odent. He is a French obstetrician and childbirth specialist. He has collected and did a lot of research. And looked not only on the consequences of a bad mother child bounding for the individual, but also for the society.
Later my therapist worked with me on base of recognizing this inner child. Because, yes, if you miss care and love as a child, you forever expect this bad treatment. But you also have this craving for love and recognition, that actually no one can fulfil, cause it is from the unsatisfied child in you. And we tend to condemn this child in us, cause it’s behaviour is annoying, inappropriate. But it won’t leave, just cause we hate it. On the contrary, it is used to this kind of treatment, expects it.
It’s about recognising this, start to care for it, see what behaviour comes from it and not condemn but love it. 
So, probably enough for now.
I don’t think, that there is a child immune to this.
It depends a lot on witch age this happens. How stabil the groundwork actually was before.
And of course reacts everyone different, what he makes of it. Some inflict the consequences on themselves, have mental troubles. Some get cold, efficient, ruthless. They probably are successful in life, but actually trauma free? I don’t think so.
See, even the bat has his doubtful troubles
Come on, you can’t still believe this? 
And if I say, how awesome it is to have you back, the life you bring into here, how many react so happy to your acknowledgement, you start running again
Yeahhhh! Exactly the best for me love your farm story, your words. Thank you so much. 
Totally get you. Sigh. So sorry.
I not really dropped out of school with 16, cause by then I had changed from Gymnasium to Realschule and was finished anyway. And dang, was I happy about it! I did an FÖJ in a Landschaftspflegeverein who fought for a nature protection pasture, we had sheep, lived all in caravans. It was totally fulfilling. And yes, wouldn’t do it differently today.
But, sigh, yes, can’t recommend to leave school that early, when you want to go further academically.
I did it later, got one year FOS got my Fachhochschulreife, started studying. But this road is a stony one.
Please, take care of yourself. Look what best for you! Think and feel all the options you have. Going through, just finished Realschule for now, take a sabbatical year, or change school … be kind and recognizing with your own wishes.
So, all this writing did actually distract me a little.
My publisher, or better ex publisher, cancelled our contract today. She didn’t like the character development in my second book. And I’m not ready to sacrifice this character on the alter of being published. No way. Especially cause all my feelings say, that this is the best part of the book. 
Thanks you all, I finish here, my grandma awakes and need my attention.
7 Likes
Zennnnnnnnnnn…
I think it has also been discussed during the lecture:)
It doesn’t sound to be sad. Happiness doesn’t have to be expressed in a loud and intensive way. It’s pure peace that emanates from your post.
Tell me more (in short words) as I’m getting even more interested.
Same here
Do you have any idea what it could be? (I think that it’s extremely hard to buy a good present to a man or a even a boy).
I’ve heard of the conception of the inner child and that the part of the therapy is to take care of the inner child, talk to her/him or write letters. But it’s what I wouldn’t like to face myself. On one hand, I’d feel stupid to talk to someone who doesn’t exist physically. On the other, feeling sorry for myself I would have to be in opposition to/or accuse my mother. As a totally imperfect mother I’m not sure if I have such a right. I think that people sometimes don’t give you what you need but what they have themselves. It’s like I blamed you that you couldn’t give me a million dollar - because I needed the money and you didn’t have it.
(or maybe my pace of thinking is sick and should be treated )
Maybe it’s a snowball effect. You start with a tiny childhood trauma which gives you some problems that cause the next ones and the next and the next…
Agree. I think they should ask you for such things as long as you are the author. They should help with details like spelling, rearranging sentences (if they are for example too long). But they shouldn’t change the concept.
6 Likes
Oh, I never talked to my inner child
Would be weird indeed.
It was more talking about feelings you have in certain situations, or triggers. And then the question came, where I feel this feeling exactly, how it feels and how old it is. And with this, I could find out, that some of my reactions today have actually nothing to do with the situation at hand, but are triggered by old emotions.
But yes, I had this point in therapy, where I could visualise the small, crying Anna and could take her into my arms, feel compassion for her, not disgust.
All this actually changed my feelings for my mother completely. I couldn’t stand her befor, couldn’t even have her looking at me. She was not only not a good mother, she needed caretaking herself and put this on her small daughter.
But today, with this therapy, I have nothing in me, that blames her. No bad feelings, they are all gone. I can love her, see her struggle, see her mental illness without any trouble for me. Now, I can be strong for her.
Sigh, still not there with my father issues, but working on it.
OT
My grandma woke up, all confused and panicky. So I crawled into her bed, cradled her. She was so happy, snuggled realy close. And then I told her stories about our past, my time with her as a child, Christmas, fairy tales she told us. And she was all listening, then sad: All gone, all gone. And I contradicted her, that this is all in us, that the love she gave us will carry on. That she lives on in us, her love lives on. It is ok now to relax, be weak. I carry her. And when all strength fades, love stays strong. She can go now, her love will continue. She was so happy, did fall asleep then.
8 Likes
And back at you! It’s almost the weekend 
Some of us have met multiple times in real life so I guess that counts.
It does yeah… I always go home twice a year but I doubt I will this time, I was there last early January… and with stuff happening the need to go is stronger. I hope this virus situation will calm down so hopefully I can travel before the end of the year.
It’s a long discussion, I can just refer you to some papers I’ve read or whatever.
OT: Uneventful day at work, still uncertain about what’s going to happen in the coming days. It was also very quiet so I had the chance to properly speak to my manager, he says the moment I need to fly home or decide that it is safe to do so, he’ll make sure I can do it, and I truly appreciate that. It’s still surprising to me sometimes how different he is from my previous boss back in Greece. It’s crazy…
Anyway, going to have a relaxing evening at home, going to order grandson’s debut album (so damn excited!) and listen to some new music.
Have a good one guys
6 Likes