I don’t have kids yet, but I can imagine how hard it all must be… Just know you have us, right here, always 
big hug to you, sweet @anna834 
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Thank you all so much!
I really appreciate you being here for me!
Now finally to the Glen Hansard concert. It was in an old opera house. So just seating but so beautiful!
For the first time in month, I switched LP shirts against a Glen tee.
The girls who sells his merchandise and always travels with him was really happy to see me with it. And I was sure the only one I saw with his tee.
Late but right now he gets really famous.
And sure, again, it was worth all the trouble! Glen got me right from the moment he started playing! Could forget everything else for a while. He even played my favourite song!
At some point, I remembered @anomalias greeting wish. So I said: “Greetings from Anna from Poland!”
True, I said it real quietly, not even my seating neighbours could here.
And than, Glen said: “The next song is for Warsaw.”
One reacted.
So he said, thats were we are coming from, the last place we played.
Now, one person cheered.
Glen exclaimed: “One person from Poland!” And said hey.
Now, we Germans got that Warsaw meens Warschau.
And I was open-mouthed!
There were your greetings back @anomalia!
But sorry, as allways, no pictures.
no more backing down, you’ll see
Whatever lies in store for me
I’ll get through it
There’ll be no more going half the way
You’d better listen to these words I say
Whatever ties they bound to me
I’ll cut through them.
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@anna834 was he in Warsaw? It’s like 60 km from me. How should I know if I live in the Amazing World of Gumball (and not gonna be let out for a few years more)?
Whatever I’m impressed. Need to see Once again.
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Oh yeah! Once again. And afterwards the swell season to get you down again.
I am the wrong one to yammer about this!
Enjoy it!!!
It’s over so fast!
And than it’s never coming back and you just have this memories, always wishing you would have enjoyed it more. 
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I can’t write in the what are you temporarily doing right know topic.
How can I support you, when I myself are struggling like this?
I’m so out of it.
Barley holding it together.
Coming home was good.
And then finding the emty room, starting cleaning it.
Yesterday, it was so heavy, I … don’t know.
With some more sleep today was better.
My daughter really don’t want to see or talk to me.
This evening I had a meeting with my ex, talking financial issues and timetables for our son, the new situation and all the stuff. It was ok, I hope all will work out, especially the financial stuff. But I am not sure.
I just can’t believe it.
It’s always the same for me, all the things I worry about, never come true. And all the shit that hits me, I really never expect.
Sometimes I wish I just could fall apart, go nuts, stop holding together.
On the other hand, I’m the same age, my mother was, when she lost it totally the first time, had to get hospitalised in the psychiatry.
That scars me even more.
Sorry. Just writing down my twisting thoughts.
I know it will be better.
Hate that I do it again.
Hate myself for doing it.
Hate that I hate myself.
And laugh about it.
Feel embarrassed.
Writing helps!
And just being here helps!
Thank you for this place!
Thank you guys!
Thank you Linkin Park!
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You’re not your mum you’re you and you’ve got the necessary strength and will within you to push through all the bs coming in at this time! You’re not by yourself, and the biggest thing I think of say is that unfortunately as younger adults, we…miss out on seeing the importance of the people that really truly matter and we can be ignorant and too proud to even get ourselves to see it… but keep in mind and let yourself know that it’s a passing part of life and that deep down she loves her mother very much for being the great person she is
You’re braver than your mum, wiser than your daughter, and stronger than you let yourself believe 
try to find serenity within yourself and worry only about that and the rest of the things will find their way
We worry about things we cannot change so we need that serenity to accept them and let them be
Hang in there 
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sending hugs and strength my dear - and I totally understand you. Thanx for being honest and give your trust here into the family by sharing how you feel- a first step to let it go and to feel better. And believe me, cleaning the room was a great trigger … so what happens at the moment is totally normal dear.
The relation with your daughter got to a point where you have no longer any kind of power to direct or influence it. This is hard to bear, but if you ask yourself you must confess you did everything in growing her up at your best. Your intentions were good and given from a loving and caring mothers heart. No need to feel bad or guilty about this. She needs to experience something else at the moment- and we all know, the grass is always greener on the other side…
Letting her go to let her make her very own experiences is the loving care you can gift her now as her mom, acceptance for her way, her decision and to gift her the trust that she’ll do the right things is probably the right attitude for now, and patience- remember? She did not died, she is just getting adult and needs to find out about her borders… she will definitely be in contact sooner or later
And I know about the feeling that you describe, this small and worthless feeling is a part inside that make you feel like shit, like a loser, a psycho and the fear to lose it. The good message: as long as you sense it and that you can reflect it, it won’t happen!! Because this is the best resistance against it.
With this being said, try to realize that- besides this weak part of you there are a lot of other parts, that are connected with other feelings inside of you. Try to find out about them. We all have an inner team with strong and weak parts in our deepest core, and maybe it’s a good idea to find out about yours to activate your inner helpers.
And probably today after a good sleep you already feel better. Care for yourself and stay calm, it will all work out in time and maybe it’s a good idea to look for a therapist with whom you can work on activating your strength and to heal your wounds- all the best for your way 
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Hi @anna834!
Did she told you so? Or is it just how you interpret her behaviour? I guess teenager generally separate themselves from their parents. And on the other hand, maybe she is testing you. What will you do if she ignore you? Will you still love her when she’s apart? Are you still there for her? (And you for sure are and I’m sure you let her know it).
An empty home is not a simple thing. Especially if it used to be filled with people and memories before.
Sending hugs to the West. And write, write, write if it helps you.
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Waking up and reading your comments is sooooo good!
So I start with a Thank you! So, so much! 
And then I go in reversed order.
I already feared that, of her one word answers on whatsapp and phone. But my ex husband confirmed it yesterday.
The why he doesn’t know. Maybe it’s like it was with my mother, he suggested.
And bang, fear again. Cause I never really made up with my mother. But I have to stop this, cause my mother is a mentally ill person, you always have to remember that, when being around her, she creates her own scary world were everybody is against her and than leashes out for that. Only now I can handle that. And it has nothing to do with the person I am. I try to remember that, but it’s not easy.
Thank you! Such a good advice! Hugs back!
Dear @theearlywalker as always, exactly the right words for me! Thank you!
Thats my goal and I work on it.
One of the reasons for the appointment with her dad yesterday. Now the only thing I can do is to keep my door open for her. The only thing! So I have to stop worrying about her. And that’s what I said to him, she is his responsibility now. He had to know this, I give her wellbeing completely in his hands! He is the one to look out for her! I give this up, till she let me again.
For that, I also have a appointment with her teacher. She is one of the really great teachers. And that the class is such a homie environment for my daughter and that she gets to puberty healthy is due to her. So I think the teacher should know that.
Is it so? That’s great. Thanks!
Yeah, you probably right. I just hate to start the journey to find someone I trust and connect with. I remember how hard it was the last time.
And most of all, it really bugs me! I always expected that when you are in your forties things calm down. But oh no! The emotional carousel is like in my teenage years. I feel everything so strongly. Always have to calm me down, watch my breathing and so on. It’s so annoying!
So you are right, even my son suggested it.
Again thank you so much!
And last but not least @framos1792
I can’t quote any of your words, I would have to quote all of them.
Reading your lines first thing in the morning just slowed my breathing, remembered me of my silent place. Thank you so much!
Thank you for being here!
That goes of course for all of you! 
Your compassion and love touches me deep down! 
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Sending you strenght and love!!
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Sending you strength and hugs for that time! 
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@anna834 I just want to let you know I’m thinking about you. I’m not in a good place atm and not able to be uplifting as well, but I do care and I just wanted to let you know.
Sending hugs, strength and lots of love your way
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@lpfan61 @Lilyope @melisLP @birdy1989
Thank you all so much for your wishes and support! It really means a lot to me and is of big help to me!
Today is finally normal again and I am just perplexing how easy I fall apart. 
Oh, my Dear, that I give right back at you!
I also wanted to ask you if the following link is of any interest for you. It’s the page of a friends friend. I find this subject very interesting as he told me about this. But unfortunately I can’t understand any belgian. (I’m also not sure you do 
)
https://www.kusdekikker.be
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Im upset with my boss because i had to call off work because my mother in law and. Sister in law was in s car accident and i told my boss that i wasn’t coming in to work. He told me that if i didn’t have away to work he gave my full time hours to someone else and put me on part time
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@hilaryfol That’s unfair, i don’t get what people can win by being so mean.
Sending you strength for getting through this I hope your mother and sister are safe at the end.
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So. Today was the appointment with the therapist of my daughter and I want to tell you about it.
I confronted him that he planned the hole moving out thing with her without me. And that this not only was/is really painful on me, it also isn’t the pedagogical learning I want for my child.
He said, that she didn’t came to him, to plan the moving. She came corse she was not well. And that he can only advice, but has to honour her wishes.
So, she is fourteen, he just can guide her.
That I understand and so I can’t be angry at him.
Damn!
Yes, there is anger at my daughter. And a lot of sadness.
But also understanding. After all, I know her for a long time.
And she got the package down to the generations.
Highly sensitive, heavy though constructs, and tending to be afraid.
My mother never learned to handle this. Alone with her, she used me as a child as her support, told me of all her fears, man stories, … she had psychosis, was hospitalised. She never did any therapy or worked on this.
I always tried to keep my own struggles away from my children. Wanted to keep them safe. But with this awareness, no wonder she seeks the stability in her fathers family. They are from this town, she is born in that house, grandma lives there and lots of familie. Everything idyllic world. Sure, it’s not all sunshine and roses there, much sweeping stuff under the carpet. But I can understand her and so hope all will be well for her.
And I have to stop worrying about her.
My door is open.
Nothing more I can do!
The responsibility lies now with her father.
That, I told him already.
But that, I already related to you.
And I am looking for a therapist for myself, again.
Maybe it is good to be responsible just for my self now. Just me. I’m not stopping to be a mom, never will. But I am a hole independent person again.
Thank you guys for being here. It’s scary and fun to be so open. In reality I am way more happy and strong. Tend to attract men who are looking for saving. But as we all know:
Nobody can save me.
And only I can save me now!
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There we go! 
so super proud and happy to hear you talk this way 
You come first and when you do that you allow yourself to be strong for the times when others may need you all families have their things going on-I literally don’t speak to aunts and uncles besides one for that very reason 
but I mean…we don’t choose our families and our strength comes from how we deal with them 
As to that last thing about men lol just put out what you want to come near you show positivity and good vibes and that’s what you’ll attract 
I hope little by little, day by day you push a little further through the difficult parts and are able to be happy
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Strong lady. I’m happy you found that clearity - it’s a step further into the direction of acceptance… and a very good thing about posting it here is that you can always can come back here to read your own words about it when you struggle-
and I’m so happy to read that you want to care for yourself and look out for a therapist… you’re so strong dear - incredible 
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