Ya my mother’s side of the family were always very cold and distant. I was sort of the shame for my mom. Cause I embraced my brother. Which I guess to them I was embracing my father’s cheating . As for my dad’s side I was never seen as his daughter I was always "my mother’s " so both sides never really wanted me. Even more reason why chad and I became closer as we got older. We both had our first suicide attempts shortly after our grandfather passed. We really couldn’t handle what are family had turned into. We both obviously failed at it. But we were never the same
Think of this as a fresh start for your family 
I saw it as such, I mean family roots will always be there but all the infighting and struggles don’t necessarily have to continue as part of your life
If given the chance to have children, you or myself have the chance to raise them into decent human beings who will continue on with the ideals instilled in them by us
I’m glad you take the time from the day to stop by here on a day of remembrance like this for you personally…one day at a time
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I’m glad I did it, the more if it helps someone. Everybody shares their stories here, because we all understand and find new brothers and sisters here.
Please don’t hate, hate always destroys people inside. Be numb, ignore them, but don’t hate them. I’ve been hating like this for years but it just makes everything worse, keeps my mind thinking about it. For me, the best was to be numb, ignore, forget. It’s just what it is, let it go. Make new and happy memories with the people who won’t hurt you. Love and kindness is the way to hapiness.
I’m so sorry about your Tata, @danni1317. Cherrish those happy memories, he left them here for you, to help you every time, you are sad.
I totally agree with this 
this is the way to heal and totally worthy of energy investment!
I like your way of thinking! Better to ignore who doesn’t understand us then getting angry for nothing… waste of energy… 
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Thanks Well I have burned myself too many times to waste my energy like that anymore. You need to do this to keep your sanity and mental health. I care for people who are worth it.
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Today has to be the loniest day I could ever imagine. All I can do is curl into a ball and cry! I miss my brother so much, I see now how alone I am in this so called blood family! Never so much as today to I wish to join him…
One thing in my that nomatter what still affects me badly. It was sometime during July 1999 before the 29th (i was born then) my bio dad commited suicide and I was never told until I was 12yrs old and i was told the truth so when I did find out the truth I didn’t know what to think. It was a very depressing moment for me so I know what it feels like for u guys.
Hang in there! Blood may be blood but it don’t define who we ourselves are… surround yourself by those that do care for you and by what makes you happy
That’s what’s worth being here for and there’s millions of ways we can find that, you just have to find what your reasons are
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I can only imagine it would be even more confusing to go through a situation where you find out later on 
it’s something abstract for someone at a young age…
I’m trying but I miss him so much and everyone that ever cared for me are all passed and in heaven with chad
Just we are to support you no matter what
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That’s why the responsibility comes upon us to branch out and form new connections…as painful as someone’s departure is, bonding with others for whatever reason brings comfort
And remember, none of your loved ones chose to go it was simply their time just like our own time will come when we are called to leave
choosing to not leave makes all the difference in the world in that those we leave behind see the bravery and love you had for them in the form of you hanging on
None of the relationships we had in our lives leave, they’ll always be there and will have great value but at the same time those relationships aren’t the end, there’s more ahead
And I’m someone who cares and I’m still here so don’t say everybody is gone lol makes me feel like I’m a ghost or something 
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I feel like that everyday, cause everyday i feel like i don’t belong anywhere, that I don’t even deserve to be alive even now I’m still going through that and Year 12 is about to finish for me in 6 days and now i don’t know what I’m going to do without some of my close friends even though we can talk on FaceBook i reckon it’s better to talk face-to-face but I guess this is how life really begins.
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i wont pretend it isnt a big difference to jump into things but at the same time more opportunities open up 
try as best you can to have a positive outlook on things and like i said before, be open to forming other connections to people…thats been THE most difficult thing to accomplish when youre in a sense isolated but once you step out and begin to unfold a bit, everything eases up
give it a little time and effort and be patient
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Thank you for your advice i really am grateful.
I am also dealing with family pressure with trying to get full time work but well it’s kinda hard to find full time but I want to move out of home but I don’t have anywhere to go I feel like I’m about to explode with so much emotion that I have bottled up for so long I think it’s time to just let it out without hurting anyone there are so many methods but I think writing my own songs and release them to the world soon but it’s just i can’t think of any lyrics i feel so lost right now
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Writing is a good idea, go for it! Just start, that’s all you need. It doesn’t have to rhyme at first, it doesn’t have to be perfect. Lyrics just doesn’t pop up in anybody’s head, they come in time, you work on them after you put your thoughts on paper. It’s a process, not a computer printer You just have to start and it’ll go by itself.
I think it’s not true that you don’t have anywhere to go. I’m sure you have thousands of places you’ve never been before. Just go somewhere new, go to the park, go walk through the city, go to the store. Talk to the cashier woman and make jokes about how beautiful she looks like today. Talk to people in the park, about how nice their dog is. It does not matter you don’t know them, but you’ll try to open up. That could be a start.
If I’d felt like this (like my head is about to explode) and had nobody to talk to, I’d just gone to a disco in the night and dance to the beat. There’s something about the music that makes you forget and something about the crowded space that makes you hide between those people, although at the same time, you are not alone Maybe try that and maybe you’ll find new friends there
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I will sound redundant but patience is a virtue haha
If you’re putting in the effort to find a job, the right fit will come along
Don’t be shy about being creative in what you do and stick your feet in the weirdest places, it’s weird how that works but the last place you think of sometimes is looking
Remember- you have to A-S-K to G-E-T
If you don’t try you’ll never know
And things tend to snowball once you break through so other things will settle down in time
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I’m so depressed right because last night my own stepfather tried to run me over just cause i was talking to a friend i mean can’t i have a social life i’m trying my hardest so i wish i could stand up for myself but i’m so used to being told what i can and can’t do
Do you guys have any advice for me please
It’s just I don’t need any more stress i mean i only just stopped having suicidal thoughts but this is the kind of thing that triggers it and when people give me crap about being autistic this is something i really don’t need this it so stressing for me
Yea I so that sometimes I am still depressed no what happens to me i don’t feel happy just sad
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hey, keep your head up…i really hope things settle down there but from what you were saying you shocked me with how much you sounded like my ex-gf of many years haha… a ompliment you could say…but i just mean that life right around 20 give and take a few years is very hectic in that you are building your own fences and boundaries
i brought that girl up because she was held back waaaay too much while we were younger from 17 on up to where we couldnt really do much whether it be because of trust or fear or what it may be
turns out though that at around 23, 24 she broke through in getting the family off her back after so long, well that kind of changed everything even for us in that she wanted to run instead of walking a steady path. I wont say she was right or wrong in doing so, we ended a year ago come october, shes soon to get married to someone she met a few months back and still holds a decent job so maybe she did something right (even if on my end it was total bs lol)
at the same time i had a very close professor who confided that her biggest regret was keeping her son too tethered to home because when he got to adult age she let him loose right on his birthday and the very next day he had passed away after having taken things too far, she says she thought she was doing things correctly in holding him back from being exposed to all the trouble around us but that at the same time it was just weakening him to when he eventually went off on his own…
the point with these two things that i have personally seen and heard is that freedom itself can sometimes be too much of a good thing if taken to excess, in some cases things work out while in other cases it blows up. When youre under that age all you want to do is cross over while when youre on the other side at times you do miss and long for the old days when you were carefree but held back some
i wont pretend to have an understanding of this, obviously things like this have hurt me too, and im not at an age at 25 where i can say one way is better than the other, in fact im still changing
im just trying to say that sometimes running towards something without thought can lead to unexpected difficulties
were all on a path to somewhere and though we may get fed up with things in our day to day activities and with certain events that knock us down, we have to show we deserve whats coming to us-not to prove to anyone else but to prove to yourself the value that you have given yourself and to make the end game that much more satisfying
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