Anxiety blog (feel free to talk here!)

[birdy1989]

It’s weird, the depression has been so strong that I didn’t had a “crashing Thursday” in a couple months. Now the depression is getting weaker, the GAD is taking over again. Been feeling tense, anxious and uncomfortable a lot of times the past week. And this morning wasn’t that bad, but I feel like Thursday is going to suck again soon

But going back to the weird part. I’m actually happy dat the GAD is getting stronger being depressed sucks, makes me unhappy, and the GAD is controllable. So choosing from 2 bad sides, this side is more appealing at the moment, if that makes sense so altho I’m anxious a lot and my demons are kicking in, I’m okay with it my psychologist will help me gain control, I just know I will get the hang of it one day. And Scott from Depression to Expression is my rolmodel: I believe I can do it too it just takes time and a lot of effort. But I will get there!

Just wanted to share that here

[Honey8]

@birdy1989

Just wanted to share that here

You are always welcomed to share anything here Its good to know you are curing. Yep your psychologist will help well. It’s been 7 days i came here, how are you now

[birdy1989]

I’m not doing very well, but I will, I won’t give up

I’m on anxiety-killers (don’t know how else to say it in English, it’s a sedative) and I’m going to start antidepressants in a couple of weeks. I’m going on vacation tomorrow so that will probably be a good distraction but because of the vacation, it will take a little longer untill I can start with the antidepressants, so that’s why I got the anxiety-killers now.

The hardest part is the feeling that I’m worthless and nobody loves me, along with the sadness. Kinda living in a dark cloud atm. That made the suicide ideation worse, the voices are really loud too. But I made a promis to a good friend that I won’t give up, so I will keep on fighting we will see what the future will bring. Can’t predict that, we can only stay hopefull that it will get better at one point. So that’s what I’m doing
Thank you, @Honey8, for checking in with me, that really helps

[anna834]

We all are checking in with you!
And we all love you!
Sure it is a forum kind of way,
but it is real!
Keep up fighting @birdy1989
you are worth it!
And we are all behind you!
I am for sure!
Did you read or watched Herry Potter?
Were Herry had his final fight against Voldemort?
All his people stood behind him, gave strength to him.
Picture us the same way.
We all are standing behind you in your struggle!

[birdy1989]

Thank you @anna834 I know you are all with me, that’s what keeps me getting back on the forum, even on the bad days I know you will always have my back and will always make sure I have the strength to keep on fighting love the discription of Harry Potter, that makes it really visual how you are all standing behind me, giving me faith, hope and strength

[anomalia]

@birdy1989 Sending hugs. Be sure you’ve got people around you who care of you. Where are you going for your vacation? Looking forward to seeing some pics.

[birdy1989]

@anomalia thank you, hugs for you too
I’m going to Val Thorens, that’s in France. It’s Dutch-week there so basicly a whole week of partying and skiing. Not looking forward to the party’s at this point, but my husband really still is a “party animal” so it’s okay but I really enjoy skiing
How are you doing @anomalia?

[anomalia]

Not bad right now. Thx for asking. Generally, like on a roller coaster.
If I was to chose - partying or skiing, I’d go for partying. Here you need no skills. I’ve tried skiing once in my life. And don’t ask for a result:rofl:

[birdy1989]

Hahaha I love skiing I do like partying a bit, but not every night so we’ll see how it goes.

Good to hear you’re not doing so bad. It is like a rollercoaster, but the good thing about rollercoasters is that there are also “ups”, not only “downs”, AND it will always end eventually, you just need to hang in there take it easy okay? we can do this

[Honey8]

@birdy1989 You’ll know your worth very soon. It’s a realisation. You know the worth when you go out and do something. Try picking up something you like, or making a progress towards something new. Do not focus on results and do it for fun… When you see yourself growing, you know your value…
You are a bright star
Take care oki? I am happy you said you ain’t ever giving up This is amazing!
Much love to you!

[birdy1989]

Thank you @Honey8
I’m on vacation in France atm, and I’m doing pretty good hope I can keep this up when I go home as well
The view from our appartement

[Honey8]

Your vacation seems soo awesome! aand SNOW!!!

[anna834]

‘Game Of Thrones’ Star Sophie Turner Reigns Supreme

[anna834]

Maisie Williams: Be Your Own Hero with Lewis Howes

[achilleas7]

nothing more motivational than the truth!

sorry for not being around dear @birdy1989 and the rest
struggling to stay afloat as well!

but i have my girl to hold a hand!

it’s music music music music for me… and some times i must take breaks from even that!
breaks… not brakes!

[birdy1989]

@anna834 I will watch the video’s in a couple of days, I need to go to sleep for work tomorow please remind me to watch them I tend to forget a lot… Like almost everything

@achilleas7 don’t apoligize for working on your self-care🤗
I just read this post in the other thread:
" i can tell you that the pain you receive is permanent and all you need to do is find ways to release it.
we meet in the LPU, so i know you got the music box checked
and i hope you have a dog to walk in the woods because for me that is box No2 (or 1)
a boyfriend helps (in your case, a girl in mine) if he/she is selfless too.
if not, you must study yourself so you can give him the tools to not be a further burden when your glass is overfilled.

You are already pulling a tsunami of pain towards you like a magnet and you already hold the key to how to treat your depression as you stated above.
by fighting it out of others!

i know the backlash… but it is never stronger than the shot!
did you also realize you get affected unconsciously by others’ moods when they enter the room or not just yet"

I didn’t fully understood it all, but then I watched the video about 10 things about empaths and it all became clear. Cause: yes, I always get affected by other people their moods… Always… And it all makes sense now, so I read your post again and I completely understand what you mean. And you are so right…

“if not, you must study yourself so you can give him the tools to not be a further burden when your glass is overfilled.”

You are so right…

I hope we can talk more about this. I’ve known for years now that I am a Highly Sensitive Person, but I never knew what it really ment and all. So I would like to know more.
Please take good care of yourself I need to go to sleep now. Take care and good night

[birdy1989]

An update from my side. Since the psychologist found out I have SAD as well, I get why I feel and do certain things. This helps a lot!

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist this Thursday to talk about taking antidepressants. I don’t want to take that, but I feel like I don’t have a choice at this point

[anna834]

Dear @birdy1989 I can totally understand your aversion against medication. There are so much bad rumors about that. And I myself can’t contradict it, cause lack of experience.
But I would say, if you have an experienced psychiatrist, how explains you the means, the side effects, the expectations, short and in a long run and still works with you, that’s good. If you have a trusting, safe feeling with him.
Were ever your way leeds you, we are here and have your back!

[Honey8]

I dunno much about this. But i agree with this

@anna834

But I would say, if you have an experienced psychiatrist, how explains you the means, the side effects, the expectations, short and in a long run and still works with you, that’s good.

Take care!!

[birdy1989]

Thank you both, I think the same way. So we’ll just have to wait what the psychiatrist has to say I’ll keep you updated