Hi everyone. I’m sure not everyone knows me here.
I’m Jason, 26 years old. And I’m struggling with my depression. It’s going up and down. And now I’m in my down place. Chester’s day of passed away is coming closer. And it’s killing me. It’s been almost 2 years ago we heard the horrible news. Still today I struggle to accept it. Some days I can accept it, some days not. And for the last couple of weeks I can’t accept it. I really miss him. I never met him in person, but I still miss him. I am very, very grateful that I have seen Linkin Park live, 1 month befor his passing.
Now, today. I’m listing to the One More Light album to help me. But it’s hard. Chester was/is my light.
The pain is hard. But I / we have to keep fighting.
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Yeah! 
Never let your demons to win! We fight together and I’m sure you can overcome them! Sending strenght! 
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Where do you live? Are there any other LP fans around? Might be a good idea to spend that day with some like-minded people to relieve some of the stress!
Any friends would also help with that, but maybe other LP fans would be best since they really understand what you’re feeling.
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I live in Nijmegen, The Netherlands. I know people who know LP, but they are not a fan. Just sometimes listen to a song, once in a while. I try to open up about it. But it’s hard. When someone mentions Chester, my hart stops and crumbles. They don’t know that, but it has a effect on me. I know it could sound weird. But it just does. 
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Are you on the Linkin Park Netherlands Facebook group? They’re planning an event, last I saw it will be in Utrecht so that’s less than an hour by train for you!
I visit Nijmegen all the time when I’m in NL because my best friend lives there; I’m Dutch too but not living there currently so I can’t go to the event on the 20th unfortunately :C But I think it’d be good for you to be among the LP family on that day, so I definitely advise you to check it out
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Oh wauw, that’s great! Thanks for sharing this I will definitely go to Utrecht! It’s not that far for me.
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Hang in there @drounzer just try to think of things that make you happy when your having a tough time
I miss Chester too…
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Remember you will never get out of grief, but you can only build your life around it. We feel you and are by your side, don’t be afraid to speak it up with a psychologist if you need 
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and you have the power to turn your pain onto strenght, we believe in you
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Hey!
I know how you feel, at least I think I do to some extent. None of the people that I talk to can relate to what I’m saying about the loss of Chester or how I feel about it either. I feel that people that aren’t LP fans can’t comprehend things the way that LP fans do. LP & Chester were all about helping people & uplifting each other to get through tough times. That is a rare thing in the times that we live in. Most people are so wrapped up in their own life & how they appear to be.
If you don’t have anyone to actually spend the day with in person, maybe you can schedule a Skype session or something like that. At least that way, you would be able to actually see the person while you talk about things. It’s just a thought, maybe someone else can come up with an idea that may be better suited to your needs.
Just know, LPU will always be here for you!!! We are all here to support you. Please take care of yourself & reach out if you need us…
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Great idea!!! I wish that I lived in that area, I would love to be able to connect with other LPU fans. If anyone goes, please share with the rest of us! I don’t do Face Book so I am unable to do that kind of stuff.
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Are you fine now??
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@blakegreen welkome to the community 
Yeah, it’s getting a bit better. I told some of my family members, who didn’t know I was struggling with depression, and they helped me. I didn’t know that they could help me. I tould my immediate relatives, but not distant relatives. Suprising they help me. 
Thanks for asking how I’m doing. Its nice and sweet
What I’ve learn is that, the people who you didn’t know would help you, actually will and do help you.
It’s scary to share my depression, because of the reaction of the people. Some people think it’s a attention problem. 
So when people do help you, it’s a relive and good feeling. They can give me a different side/view of my problems and help me to understand it, and fight it. 
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Welcome @blakegreen to this extraordinary place! 
Nice to hear! 
And happy you have support in your family!
A hug for you!
Keep up the fight!
We are here!
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Thank you, yeah its a relive. But I know it’s still a hard road. I know they will help me, but when I am alone my mind is playing with me. I like to be alone, but being alone is also my worst enemy.
Those moments my depression starts to work and then the voices are pulling me down, really hard, smashing me down. So it’s a up and down moment. Still struggling to be alone and being satisfied with myself, just in a relax mode ( do you understand that? Sorry I’m talking to much 
Thank you,
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Not at all!
Seen me talking already? 
I struggle with the whole like to be alone, feeling lonley, no interest in company, kicking my but to meet with people. … for sure!
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Hahahahaha, 
I like meeting new people. But then after a couple of months the connection is gone. I don’t hear from them again. Just out of nowhere, they end it. What is sad, it happend to me a lot, so I’m always asking myself if its my fault. Do people find me interested? Do I treat them well? Did I say something wrong? You know… that kind of bullsh**t. (Keeping it nice here with the language )
So yeah, we are talking much.
I started with a new job, one and half month ago, it really helps. Just to do something different. I’ve been a cook for 10 years, was done with it. Now I’m a painter. Totally different, but way relaxed work.
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Cook is a hard one for sure!
Can’t say much to this. Donno 
I travel work wise a lot and meat a lot of new people, for some I just don’t have the patients.
On the other hand, all people I met hear, I’m really happy to meet.
I would say, the big difference for me, if I’m ready for more is, has someone made the first step.
First step in seeing that it is his job to change.
And not still blaming all the others and live for the drama.
Donno if this made any sense 
See, don’t let me start talking
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I’m trying to understand it.
Its nice to talk with someone about it.
I remember a family member saying : it depends on the mood, some people treat you nice one day, the next day they treat you like sh*t.
So the most of the time, it’s not about you/me, but on the way they started the day , good or bad mood.
It was nice to talk, I’m signing out, 
, talk to you again later 
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Hey @drounzer
Nice talk.
If you want or need more sometimes, just write or tag me.
But one warning, I’m quite blunt when it comes to moping around. Kicking my own ass for this too.
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Hey @anna834 yes, I will. Thanks for the talk yesterday. It was nice
How are you doing today?
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