It really hit me today. :'(

Sitting in the dark, alone with Chester’s voice, listening to One More Light, crying my eyes out. :cry: I haven’t been able to control myself today. I don’t know why today is particularly devastating. Maybe because I found out about those two fans in Finland who committed suicide. It started before that though, almost as soon as I woke up.


Stay strong. We are all here together. It’s hard now and always will be but we have each other xx


@verest1864 It is the same for me too today. For some reason, today is more difficult than last 2-3 days.

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Reach out! My inbox is always open if anyone needs to talk it out. Just remember he will be singing us through life still :heart:

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Past few hours I was at church, but the dream that I had last night was occupying my mind pretty much the entire time:

Last night I dreamt that I was at reception with the five remaining members of LP: They were dressed formally, dressed in suit and tie.

A young lady went to hug and kiss a cheek of each of them, doing so one by one (you should’ve seen them blush). While she was doing so, I went to hug Mike and kissed him on his right shoulder at the same time. Then Chester suddenly appeared from behind a pillar and then hugged the both of us (Mike and me were still hugging); I could feel his sweaty skin, him being shirtless.

Then it was the young lady’s turn to hug Mike, and she kissed him on the right cheek. Mike reciprocrated by kissing her on the left cheek, and simultaneously Chester went to kiss her on the right cheek.

Then in the ladies’ restroom, Talinda’s dress got stuck somewhere, so she called for help very loudly, we could hear her from outside. So Anna had to come in and help.

Then I have a bit of amnesia around this part, can’t remember now. But ultimately, me and the five LP guys (sans Chester of course) ended up in a more enclosed part of the lobby. The guys got to sit in comfy chairs, while I squatted down on the floor half a metre in front of Mike. There was guy that we do not know, kneeling down where the coffee table usually is. This guy handed out a questionnaire sheet of paper to each of them (none to me). This guy then explained that he was doing a survey on the state of healthcare in America nowadays (Geez, very ironic, you can see from the facial expressions on the LP guys). The survey guy then went on to explain on how healthcare has improved over the last few decades, rambling whatever that comes to his head etc; he even commented that Chester’s leg healed quite fast, and asked ain’t he right? (We were dying inside.) After looking at Mike rolling his eyes, the survey guy quickly changed to talking about Mike’s injury, yup, what he called Mike’s “chainsaw” injury, like wtf:

It’s not freaking chainsaw, dumbass. (Ok maybe he was referring to a different injury, but this madness must stop.)

After Mike asked that stupid arrogant guy to hurry the fuck up, that survey guy then asked them to turn over to the second page (the question was a single piece of paper, but printed on both sides). Yup, the second part of the survey was on global warming and the environment. (Oh seriously, you can stop explaining now, Music For Relief does a lot of work in this area already.) I was mostly looking out of the window by then, looking at the closed-casket coffin lying on the grass some 20 metres away. My legs were hurting from squatting, so I got up and quickly left the place. Talinda (her black dress was slightly torn) passed by and asked if I wanted to see the body (flashback to me seeing a male relative’s artificial-looking embalmed body), I said no, and quickly walked out of the building.

Before I knew it, I was checking the forums on my phone, shocked to see tens of thousands of notifications, and then I woke up.


I feel you. I was listening to Hybrid Theory for the first time since his death and couldn’t finish it. I feel like crap right now. I’m trying not to overthink about him.


"Our whole life is just a moment, and we live as if writing a draft " .
It hurts so deep.
I still don’t know how…but, let’s support the group,please


We will keep his memory alive. His voice wi’ll forever ring.


Stay strong❤ We are all hurting.