Thanks for the question.
This and a walk on the Baltic sea got my mind finally into writing. Always a sign, that it’s getting better.
Yesterday was just, blagh.
Had a huge fight with my son:
In summer, I dry laundry outside. In winter, we have a common basement room for this. The trouble is, with this damp weather, it needs 2 days to get it dry and the place is just big enough for 1,5 loads. So I already have to juggle, especially when he piles his dirty clothing in his room.
My son has the opinion, I should dry the laundry in the old room of my daughter’s. Way faster of course. But I hate to have the clothes horse in the apartment. So far, ok. But he also says, the clothing would smell, if the door is open. And there, I’m not ready to compromise. I have my writing place on the kitchen table and I like the open view through the windows, also the one through my daughters room. Our apartment is really small, closing doors make it claustrophobic.
So I continue drying the laundry in the basement. And he continues nagging about this.
Yesterday it escalated totally.
He brought up, maybe moving to his father, would safe him a lot of money. And sure, I couldn’t keep the apartment, or living in my hometown, if it wouldn’t be for the child support I get by his father.
I know, my son enjoys to have this apartment, way closer to school and to the city, especially when I’m gone for work.
But I also didn’t expect my daughter’s moving.
He didn’t stop going at me, even so I asked to stop the fighting now. So I put headphones on, just couldn’t anymore.
And with this, the spiralling down into a pain attack started.
Pain attack always mean, that besides the pain, I just want to escape all and everything.
But I kicked myself hard, to go through it, with my plan for the evening, just to not suffer at home.
There was a techno party. And yeah, I hate techno, but it was organised by my ex husband and he had his birthday at midnight.
So I got on my bike, to take the ride into town. Even so I had some crying attacks, wanted just return home.
I did make it right befor midnight. And it was nice to meat some of his, formally our, friends. And he was really happy to see me, hugged me tight.
A little later, I was on the bar, talking with my ex brother in law. The now already longtime girlfriend of my ex came, and got him right out the middle of our conversation to a private celebration backstage…
I rode home. How could I have thought, this would be a helping thing?
Pain.
No sleep.
Just one helping thought.
But please, don’t worry about me.
I’m maybe capable to leaving people in pain, but never in guilt. So I won’t.
I not even got drunk, even so I said it to my son, I so would like to.
Sorry, probably more answer then enyone wished for. Sorry for trashing my garbage here. Really never want to baggage anyone with it. Probably feeling more bad about it in a bit and will delate it.