Depression is bad. The thing is you know that it is your depression talking, but you can’t fight it. I know that depression is telling me that nobody likes me. When someone is nice to me I am assuming that they want something from me. I dont believe it. But the thing is that there is the truth in the lies. People are getting tired of you after a while. Like I had a person who said they will talk to me every day (obviously it is not possible sometimes and I understand the exaggeration there) and they will never get tired and then they disappear. They are talking on the public forums, they are having fun, but when you’re approching them they are saying sorry I’ve been busy. Then you are waiting and then again. And then telling them the secret. A thing that is part of your mental health and then you have silence even when you know they are talking to others. We have literally 3 social media platforms to reach out. nothing. So if someone is telling me “we care, we are here” i have to call it bs. I know not everyone is like that, I have been very unlucky, but the truth is 99% of people don’t care. They care for a moment and then it’s over. There is the 1% of people who will sit with you all night long, listening to your crying. But it’s very hard to find people like that. I am proud to say I am in this 1%. I have done that million times. And then when you need someone you realise you are all alone. There is nthing and noone to help you. Because they have their own things to take care of. Their lives and the problems. They don’t need yours. And I get it, totally get it.
And I am here. You will listen, you will tell me good word and it is nice. But I am alone. I look around and I am here. In my bed. In my empty room I can’t be bother to clean. I am here with nobody to talk to. Lost in my thoughts and problems. As I said, I’m picking me apart again. I am thinking about death a lot. All the time to be honest. I don’t want to be a burden, I don’t want to be in my skin. I want this spirale of thoughts to disappear. Forever. But the only way to make it disappear is in my case death.
Professional help is useless. They give you meds and that is it. I know that. I have years of experience. Just because i am refusing to take meds they are checking me more often.
And just so you know this post is not aimed at anyone. I just wrote my thoughts and experiences with depression. And my realisation.
I love everything you wrote here 
it is hard to find others that get battling depression but they are out there and they do care. Thank you for writing this
Yeah I get you. I have felt this way before, and have even told my loved ones with tears in my eyes that life seems too empty for me. They cried with me, hugged me and told me to just speak up. My family line has mental issues within it. My mother suffers from both anxiety and depression, like me and my sister. But I always tell them, just talk, we can try to understand and make things better if we are there for each other.
I have told my siblings I have thought about just ending it all. But to me, its just horrible to think I won’t get to see my loved ones again. So I just decide against it and see where life leads me to.
I know its those demons talking into your head with these bad ideas. But first you must try to reflect on yourself and realize you are a unique being. You ARE LOVED even if your mind wants you to be destructive.
Mental capacity has to be stronger and be able to accept that ALL human beings are flawed. That sometimes they just can’t keep their word, and that’s OK, because we all make mistakes and that’s how we learn.
I get depressed from time to time, but I’m not letting my mind consume me. I am me, I am not my thoughts! I am a human being who has every right to decide what is happiness to themselves! and so do you!
Some people just need to find that inner will to let go of that clutter that is their mind. Not everyone will like everyone unfortunately do to different opinions. But let those aside and try to have that strength within you to turn the dreams you’ve had true.
There’s a lot of evil going on in the world. But there are people who want change, there are people who will fight to make a better world possible.
I have gone through hell and back with my mind, but I have learned one thing, we are not our minds we are more than that!
I am so sorry people have lied and hurt you. It is so incredibly hard, like you said, to find a friend that will be there’s for you all the time. You are there for them and they are there for you. Battling depression alone is so difficult. And the ones that suffer need to be there for each other. It can be unbearable at times fighting it alone. You need to vent it all out to someone though. I know it’s easier said than done but please don’t give up on others that wish to actually be there for you. I am so grateful to have met you on here in the fangirl forum. I can’t tell you how many times when I wasn’t in the best place mentally and came on here I saw your hilarious rob posts or read the great comments in the Facebook page you started. You help me when I’m down without even trying. Count me in the 1% because I legitimately care if people including you are hurting all the time. You matter 
well you don’t know me. I should have a family now. I never had a boyfriend. I don’t have any friends. Nobody wants to hang out with me. I used to want to be someone and somehow the dreams disappeared. I have a degree and I am working in a care home cleaning old people’s butts for living. I hate every single second of my life. I hate the fact that I am alone, I hate the fact that I am ugly and nobody ever wanted me. No guy ever looked at me and said “wow she is beautiful”. I have only disguisted looks. I hate the fact that I am fat and I can’t lose weight no matter what I do. I hate everything.
I look like a fun person online @LPUgrl2 but in real life I am boring. I am annoyed easily and I am incredibly stubborn and won’t do something just because. No reason needed. I am the biggest diva ever. Not many people would like me in real life to be honest. And I know that.
I know I don’t know you personally. I understand where you are coming from, having your mind make you think you are this or that. I know I have been there. I’m almost 30, No Girlfriend, No children, etc. But I love the way I am, and you must learn to love and accept yourself. If you don’t, make changes to your life, go out there and try to lose that weight you want to lose. No friends? Find people online who share similar interests. if you don’t like your job, try to find a better option for yourself. I know sometimes its just hard to motivate yourself to go out there.
Same can be said with women about me. I never got an “Your a handsome guy” or nice compliments like that. But yet as an adult, it has come to the point where everyone’s opinions doesn’t matter. I was a tad bit overweight at a time, I weighed nearly 170lbs and I dropped to about 140 which is my standard weight now. I have a small circle of friends, if I want to just reflect, I go out for a run. The possibilities are endless.
You must try to love your imperfections, they make you… YOU
First of all I have seen a picture of you and you are beautiful. Second…guys are assholes. I’m just going to leave that there. Third I am excessively boring so you and me are cool 
. I haven’t dated anyone in 5 or more years. My conclusion is that guys are jerks and the good ones are taken. It’s hard when you are alone all the time. It becomes depressing. I know because I’m single and alone and I hate my job and my life too. I’m an introvert so I don’t go out. I have one friend who I met at work. He deals with depression too which is why he and I get along so well. Bad thing is he has a wife and kids so I get put to the side burner even if I’m in need of serious help. I’m not mad about it but it sucks since he is my only friend. I am boring and I don’t do anything. So I get you. I don’t have to know every detail but it sounds like you and I are very much a like. I think the thing that brings us down really is ourselves. We have such bad perception of ourselves that we bring ourselves down and shut down. I haven’t figured out how to change that perception. It is incredibly difficult to change your mindset about yourself and self esteem in general. But I think that’s why reaching out to others is helpful. I think I’m a piece of shit and someone will tell me why I’m wrong. People I don’t know in person that haven’t seen me or know much about me. And it’s slowly helping me feel a little better about myself. I don’t know it’s a struggle. I get you though, I really do.
it’s not about motivation. It is about the fact that I am doing the thing. I am here, aren’t I? People with similar interests. And what? Nothing is changed. The job? I need money to change it. Right now i have amazing -80 pounds on my account. No savings because I am dumb.
I have a mirror and I know that I hate myself. I am little miss nobody. The one who when disappear nobody will notice.
You both hit what I would’ve said, I think maybe not having yourself create a standard for someone will help you look at things differently, that being said most guys can be d!(#s but there’s still good ones around just probably not putting themselves out there
It’s kind of stupid but the decent people never go out to spit game and crap so they never run into each other unless forced to
@mishelka3 talked about her husband and how she had to pull him out of his shell
Not that I’m awesome lol but I’m the same way, i refuse to play games as is the norm these days if I’m going after someone it’s because I see something unique there-if in a decent guy I’d say I’m in hiding in wait but I’m here if someone paid attention
I’m leaning towards the relationship side because I think it’s what you’re longing for from what I’ve read from you
So I’m just getting at the fact that sometimes we don’t put ourselves in position to meet others like us or we close off from them because of standards or we get discouraged by someone who let us down or looked down on us
You’re a pretty girl there’s nothing wrong with you, yes I’ve caught the little diva in you but I know guys who can be the same way lol it’s a compliment not a shot ok… there’s somebody for everybody if we’re receptive to them, decent people will like someone for their defects and positives altogether,
Furthermore no one is set in stone, you can change your job or field you can change your moods your personality and even your likes/dislikes will change
You shape yourself as you see fit
Embrace that if you’re unhappy where you are 
The amount of money on your bank account doesn’t make you smarter… If you’ve done things you love with your money, then it was well spent !
And I know that you’ll probably won’t believe me but I’m telling it anyway : I will definitly notice if you disappeared and I’ll be sad beyond words 
I’ve never met you (I hope I’ll one day !) so I don’t care if you’re a stubborn diva in real life, you’re really cool here and I’m always looking forward to your posts !
@danni1317 - I know it’s a long time since you’ve posted this but yea I can pretty much relate to you and I guess many other people can too.
I’m still the outcast - “that weirdo” - barely a young adult (high school student) and already through depression, cutting, suicide attempts, drug and alcohol addiction, getting beat up from homophobic/transphobic people and whatever more. The list could go on forever, but ya know… we’re never giving up.
I know I’m weird and don’t have like ANY friends but I’m proud of who I am. When someone beats me I won’t hit them back. When someone yells at me I won’t yell back. So… at some point it’s good to be “that weirdo”.
I still got these thoughts - still got these voices in my head that want me to drink, smoke or cut whenever I do something “bad”. But still I’m here - today 123 days officially sober, not any relapses in the past 4 months and… it’s eventually going up again… 
And I literally got no idea why I’m telling you this right now… guess I’m just trying to make a point that no matter how dark it seems there’s always a way out. Hopefully. I’m still fighting tho. I hope you’re fine
no but the amount of money will say if i can change jobs or not. and i can’t. because of lack of money
and i can’t save up as i am spending way too much money
i have a mirror and I know that I hate myself. I am little miss nobody. The one who when disappear nobody will notice.
I feel the same way about myself. But I don’t think that is really true. I’ve come close to suicide and backed away. In that state of mind I told myself no one would give a shit or care. But I know I was wrong. There are people that care and would notice. You matter to more people than I think you know and I don’t need to know you that much to say that. You aren’t a bad person. I bet people have hurt you so much and made you feel so bad that you come to hate things about yourself. And it is all wrong. You are a good, loving, funny, smart, and beautiful person. You won’t change my mind about that because I’ve seen enough interactions with you to know.
Maybe you can try to save just a tiny amount each month ? It’s satisfaying to see that you can do it, and in the end you’ll have enough money to change job !
meet me and you will know.
that is my plan. but it will be hard. the thing is no matter how many times i will be changing jobs i will not be happy
Maybe you will ! You’ve managed to organise the Memorial after Chester died, maybe you can find a job where you’ll have to organize events ? (Hopefully not memorials, but happier things)
I wish I could! I’m in the states and if memory serves me right you are not. Changing jobs is difficult. I have yet to accomplish that myself. Finding happiness in a new job is possible. You just have to find one that interests you which I know from Looking is easier said than done. There has to be something out there that would make you happy. A job that you actually want to go to. I hear that is a thing…I personally call shinanigans though 
sounds like a myth!
if only this was that easy. i wish it was.
maybe next year i will make a trip there. i am planning to apply for a visa.
job that you want to go to? if it’s being Rob Bourdon’s wife count me in.
Things often appear more difficult than they really are…
That’s it ! You’ve found your dream job !
unfortunately he’s not hiring!