That’s the thing I had blocked it from my mind …and then out of nowhere I couldn’t sleep… I tried so hard, i even took sleep meds and nothing ! I don’t want to go into detail of what I saw, for the sake of others…but it was so real! I swear I could hear their voices, hear my music in my headphones…just a lot
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I won’t force you to do something that you don’t want, but if this is hurting you is better take out.
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It’s not that, I just know others struggle and I don’t want to set off anyone’s triggers. My mind doesn’t know how to sugar coat things. I watched as everything unfolded …I watched as I completed my task…I watched as each time someone else found me…
I couldn’t stop anything, I could only watch… this went on apparently all night … cause I watched the sun creep into my room. All this flooded back all my emotions, all the pain of losing my brother, losing Chris then Chester…it’s a lot to realize people I thought were so strong …we’re only human as well
Oh God! How can I help you? I feel useless now since my device. Since the last time we talked, what have you done? I mean, find strenghts in other, keep your mind busy, etc.
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Don’t lie tossing and turning trying to sleep. The worst thing you can do is try and force yourself to sleep, when your mind justs wanna go 100mph thinking about the past.
You need distractions - books, youtube (for comedy purposes - not reliving Chester moments!), knit, sew, get out the old dvds…something. Do that for an hour (or however long the movie goes), and then go to bed for 30 minutes - if you find yourself still tossing and turning - do it all again.
If you don’t end up sleeping - it doesn’t matter - you tried - which is all you can do.
Another thing you could try is just writing it all down…all of it…every single crappy little bit…old school styles, pen and paper - so that you can actually burn it later - and let it go. It actually can help. Cos it gets it out of your head, and when you are ready to let it go - burn it - and watch it turn to ash…
Don’t resort to the old ways - don’t give up on yourself - we’re here for you.
Hey - you know what puts me to sleep everytime…textbooks…find a textbook on something you are sort of interested in…and read it…(my sleeptime textbook at the moment is Cisco CCNA Collaboration - a couple of pages…and I’m out!)
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Actually this writing I do too, and burning it just is freeing! Very good helping things you mentioned here sister @neeksnz feeling you near atm 
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Thank u everyone, I’m doin a bit better today…very tired but better mentally. I talked with a fellow soldier and took some of ur advice I wrote down some stuff. Haven’t finished yet, had to take some medication to slow me down enough to sleep a little. It’s a start:blue_heart:
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@danni1317 hey I’m so glad that you are feeling a little better. I know you can’t sleep well I’m sorry that you can sleep . I hope u get some rest soon. I hope you will have a great Christmas and a blessed New Year. Please stay storng and take care of yourself.
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Yay, 
it’s a start… starting is good!
Keep it up, and keep talking to us too.
@theearlywalker - lol, yeah, isn’t it great - the release is sometimes just incredible!
Tip for new players - I nearly burnt my bedroom down first time I did it…learnt from that point, that the sacrificial burning stage, was probably best as an outdoor activity… 
@hilaryfol - hope you are also doing ok and are looking after yourself too.
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oh lool - I absolutely agree. And I will make a big fire until new years ev this year- to burn the whole shit down 
outside in my backyard ofc
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BAHHAAAAA - I shall airfreight all my words to you to add to your bonfire…it shall be spectacular!! 
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So I am in the ortho unit tonight, it was a little crazy at first but I think I really like this unit! People here are super laid back and actually nice! Never been so happy to be out of my comfort zone! I even found one of the others I had orientation with…wish I could stay here! Even the views are awesome!
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I ran out of likes! So I like this pic - and it’s so nice to read some positivity in your words! I hope you have a wonderful night!
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Hey @zinler… we can chat via emails if ya would like to. Can i send you an email?
You dunno it feels soo damn great to hear you! 
How are you doing? !
Loved that quote @theearlywalker
This is your dream dear! You have energy to convert it into fairytale! Stay strong! When things are changing they may be falling into place. So be patient and fight like a warrior! 
A you are one of the strongest soldiers amongst us! 
Just don’t worry. We all are here with ya! You can send me an email - honeybarapatre@gmail.com
Its written beautifully friend! I’ve no likes to give have this! 
@LPUgrl2 !!! How are you doin?!! is everything fine yourside?!
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I’m doing okay, thank you Just coming off of third shift and switching back to day side again. Had some depression come up but it went away pretty quick. Shopping this time of year always helps . How are you doing these days?
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Have a sunny hug 
and keep smiling!
Merry Christmas dear soldiers!
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Merry Christmas to you too! 
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@zinler I hope that everything is doing good for you . I hope that u will have a wonderful holiday season with friends and family.
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@danni1317 hopping you are feeling better and that thing are getting better with your heath. I want to wish a marry Christmas and and blessed New Year. To u and your family.
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