Looks like my phone posted the msg twice 
- weird - but important is you got it 
Edited it away from the what are you doing thread 
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I already wondered.
Do you really think, I’m not reading everything in here?
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I just realized it after reading your answer here
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Why so quiet here? How is everyone doing during the pandemic?
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I think everyone is posting on the What are you doing thread instead?
Possibly. Last time I was here was October 2019 so I don’t know.
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Hey you all,
It’s difficult and sometimes like waves, but I don’t want your loving words unacknowledged.
It’s ok, I can take two quotes. It’s a burden, but I have endurance 
Thank you and hopefully your weekend is great! 
Greek, English and German 
Sorry, I just have to admire you a little
All the Annas @anomalia @anngelenee @lpaniist speak German too 
I am in awww, the more when I try to explain it. Never realised, what a difficult language I have. 
Let’s change that 
Hattest du eine erholsame Nacht?
Einen schönen Sonntag dir.
@evooba thank you so much for the vacation pictures. It’s so beautiful, can see that you fell in love. 
Best quote ever 
Heyyy you made the picture!! 
And @Linkineli too 
who are you?
Just missed @intheend loved your onesie
It is journey, we can’t see the end of this road, but … if you need a friend,
There’s a seat here alongside me. 
So love that picture! Thank you look in the tavern 
Thank you! You made me cry. In a good way.
Don’t know where to start, and in the end, I don’t know if I will send it, or if it even matters.
I’m not really good the past two weeks or so. Not always that bad like the day before yesterday, where pain hit me like stikes and I had to cry 
but it’s also not really going away.
Going back to work on the island, the dramatic change in weather, my usual monthly thing, all this is an explanation, but just comes on top.
It was the therapy sessions, as I was home, that started it all.
My therapist used a method on me, called “eye movement desensitization and reprocessing”.
I try to explain it in short: we have two halves of brain. There is a barrier in between. When we sleep and dream, the eyes move fast from left to right and open the gate that way.
When we have experiences, we have this in our Short-term memory. And if we feel this needed, we store it in the long-term memory section of our brain.
If we have a traumatic experience, it just stays in our short-term memory. There it is of course annoying. So we stash it in one corner. With the result that the memory jumps us every time it get triggered for some reason.
So this EMDR method should help to put the traumatic memoirs over into the long-term memory section, so it stops bothering you.
So far so good.
It’s something, you can’t do via face time, you have to be in front of each other.
We had two weeks, two seasons, where we could do it, and my therapist had already prepared me for this on our internet sessions.
The first time, right after my six weeks work, wouldn’t go at all. I just shut down, everything in me was like an exhausted little child, stubborn and whiney. Dang, was I disappointed in myself.
The following week, I was better off and it worked.
I did go through a lot of motions. Feel, that my being too much for this world, too much for everyone, not wanted, not loved, not belonging was not me! It’s something my father inflicted on me. It’s not true!!
It felt awesome!
I came out of this session, walking on clouds.
But it didn’t last, on the contrary, it backfired.
It got me so angry with my father.
And that’s exactly what I don’t want to be, what should stop!
He is an old man, he won’t change his ways, his viewings, and this also just cause of a way harder past, than I ever had it.
It’s time to let it go, forgive, don’t feel hurt about his actions toward me, either past or present.
That was my goal of this method.
Mission failed.
I feel anger, feel bad, feel too much on anyone. Realising that it is me, that can’t let go. It’s me and my mood that is too much on everyone.
Hating myself for this even more. For this strong jealousy, yearnings, this pain that just won’t go away. Something you can’t burden on anyone. That I barley can carry myself.
That I don’t feel strong enough to carry any further.
I probably better post this not here in How Are You Doing, but in the support thread. Sorry. 
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This is the right thread either way right, it’s about friends and support 
Just read your story and I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. The fact that your anger keeps coming back could mean you have to do something with it. I’m no expert, but if the anger is about your father, maybe you have to confront him about these feelings. I mean confronting the source of the pain, instead of ignoring it or trying to surpress it. I don’t know if it’s an appropriate thing to do for you, it’s certainly not easy.
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Hey, thank you
Sorry, this made me laugh
Not possible. At least if I don’t want to break contact with him. And that I don’t. I want to find peace with myself.
I know the theory, just still can’t.
Thanks again for your words and thoughts. 
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i’m in the bottom row, the small picture:joy:
Here!
I don’t know how to start my words for you. But here’s what i think: first of all, it’s totally fine and understandable that you get angry with your father. I get that it feels frustrating when you want to feel peace instead, but anger is a normal human emotion that sometimes (needs to) burst out. So try to not blame yourself for that. And since the method already worked for you for a certain amount of time, it can and will again! For me that seems like not an easy thing to make it work, so you can be proud of yourself that you succeeded one time already!
That is a huge goal. I believe in you that you can reach it, but be aware of how big it is. Therefore it’s normal that you will also experience other things than just peace and forgiveness. Forgiving, especially your own father, is a long process. I really admire you for what you’re doing. But i don’t think you just forgive, and then the whole thing is done. It’s a long process, maybe without a real ending.
And i think everyone here agrees that you aren’t a burden. You are an enrichment for my, for our lives! Please believe that:kissing_heart:i love you and i truly hope you can feel better soon.
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Hey Eli,
Nice to meet you
I hope it is ok to say, you look so cute.
Thank you very much for your words! It means so much! Gives me a big grin.
Staying here up north on this island, oposide of our shared country, watching the sheep crunching heath, the dogs, try to sneak away, chasing rabbits, the sun is shining and the wind peaceful. Me, I’m just smiling
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Hey @anna834, I don’t know what to say, I just want to sending you strength for these days, don’t forget that you’re a beautiful, kind, sweet person (and you surely have other good qualities !!) 
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of course, thank youu! Makes me smile
That makes me smile a lot too:blush:
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I didn’t mean this class
If I got it, I had a great night. I slept over 10 hours and I still want to sleep a bit more
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Too much to say I speak German. But I still understand simple sentences. My favorite saying about foreign languages for now is: Języki obce są mi obce (which sounds funny in Polish and it means that foreign languages get unfamiliar to me)
No idea if forgiving helps. I think that understanding reasons why or his motivation would help me let it go. Sometimes people hurt and don’t even realise it. (I also have such people in my life). Maybe they are as they are because of someone/something else - their parents, circumstances… I’m sure you are aware of this. Sorry to hear that you don’t feel fine although you fight to feel better.
So cute. How nice of Mike 
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good morning Anna , biggest bonecrusher ever- Hugging you real tight- virtually and soon enough in real life!!
I read your post yesterday and gonna read it again after my first reaction now EMDR is sure a good thing but it’s very technical. The flood behind the border which seem to be opened by this traumatherapeutical meassure is sometimes an emotional whirlwind 
. Writing here just now makes me feel that I like to talk to you! Maybe you can ask one of the bunch to tell me your phone number or vice versa?! I feel like caring! For you - otherwise just let me know and I’ll continue here @anna834
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Reading this, I am like woah
Not even two months ago
So much has changed for us two
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Calling ME nostalgic 
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And now?