A novel triggered by the deaths of Chester and Chris

My friends,

The deaths of Chester and Chris changed my life. They came after the death of my mother while I was in a shitty marriage, with serious suicidal thoughts. They will never disappear, but they are less intense.

I had to write, and I wrote a novel.

I started to put on paper my thoughts, feelings, my pain, and this helped me get better. It is a novel influenced by and dedicated to Chester and Chris, and their music is present in the entire book. It guides the depressive hero (my alter ego), while fighting his demons, trying to find his way, “to forget the past”. The music, the lyrics occur obsessively in the novel from the first to the last page. I would like to share you a paragraph as an example of what I mean, and a link to the whole book if you like it.

“I am on a stretcher, being pushed through a narrow corridor by two people in green. It seems that I am in a hospital. I cannot move my legs or neck. I wake up and ask what has happened. They tell me that I have had an accident. Oh yeah… I can remember something now. I was driving, I remember as the airbags inflated then burst, and a white powder surrounded us in the car. It was as if we had gone to heaven. Everything was in slow-motion. The car was spinning uncontrollably, waltzing gently towards an unknown destination. Our bodies, heads, and hands were moving chaotically and slowly up and down, to the left and to the right. The music was still on to accompany us on the way to… I don’t know where. It was once again Linkin Park: ‘Waiting for the End’ (‘We’re waiting for the end to come / Wishing I had strength to stand / This is not what I had planned / It’s out of my control’). The faster we were spinning, the slower the movement and the longer it seemed. And the more powerful the music. Then we felt a brutal impact and hit something. It was a concrete wall, we got stuck in a little concrete hole by the side of the road. It was so tiny that the car barely fit in there. It was as if God had put it there with Her own hands. The music stopped at the moment of the impact. Our clothes, hair and faces were covered in the white dust blown out when the airbags had inflated. All I could hear was moaning at that time. For a short while… then I passed out as a metal piece of the door pierced my body through my ribs, and the steering wheel compressed my chest. Yes, this is what happened… I am in bed, and a doctor comes to inform me of my injuries. Broken femur, broken kneecap, broken cheek bone, broken ribs, torn deltoid (my shoulder is at the level of my elbow), several head traumas… I ask about the others. They are all well, injured but well. I pass out again. I go into surgery the next day. I am awake when they put a long titanium plate in my leg, and fourteen screws, so that my femur can regenerate.”

The book: *https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07XPCT5DW.
About me: https://www.amazon.com/author/frankanton

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Oof I’m sitting here just hoping it’s not based on real life events after reading that excerpt :flushed::persevere:
Good luck and thank you for sharing! :+1:t3::muscle:t3:

Thank you for reading! :slight_smile: It is a fiction novel, but it’s all rooted in reality. It’s based on real life events, as they say.

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So ehmmm…pardon the curiosity…but all them injuries? :flushed: tell me some of THATS embellished :persevere: otherwise damn dude! Survivor! :muscle:t3::sweat_smile:

:))) No, man, all true about the injuries. It took me over a year to walk again without crutches.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-dge dude…
glad you’re here with us and that you’ve recovered! :slightly_smiling_face:
I’ll check it out :slightly_smiling_face::+1:t3:

Music, writing and sports helped me. And real friends. I joined the forum because I would like to share my experiences, my life, my joys and pains, and to help if anyone thinks that I could do that.

Weird question, what car were you in?

Ford Focus. A 2007 model, I think.

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Hey you :wave:

Welcome to this forum! :bouquet:
I’m very interested in your book. Oh, it’s just on kindle. Sorry, have none.

I’m also one of this writing helps people. Can’t go without it. Everyone knows of my sometimes way to long texts.:crazy_face:
My mind just always write, and if I do, it keeps me away from the loops. :blush:

There are more writer here. :upside_down_face:
Hope you stay, it’s a good place to be with family :heart:

:hugs::heart:

Thank you! The book is available in different formats.
I’ve been an LP member for a couple of years, but never really had the power to write on forums. I am an introvert guy. I do write a lot for myself, and I will publish more in the future. For now, it’s just a therapy that I need to move on.

My mistake! You can convert it in any format with Caliber, a free app, but you can download a free kindle app on your iPhone, Android phone or PC. :slight_smile:

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Lots of introverts here.
You would be together with a lot of those.
Lurking is quite a passion. :sunglasses:

I’m an ex introvert hard in training to :rooster::crazy_face:
And can’t say I’m a long LPU member either.
But this place and all the weirdos already have changed my live.:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::blush:

Don’t ment as any pressure!
Do what’s best for you! :muscle:
I will look how I get your book.
:hugs:

LP has changed my life, so I am sure that people who love and understand their music, the message conveyed by the lyrics can only have a positive influence in my life. :slight_smile:

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@frank.anton I’m pleased to see a fellow LP fan publishing a novel. That’s a massive achievement. The intro instantly draws you in with the car accident, the way you weave the lyrics is just genius! Congratulations on taking this step and writing your experiences so openly. Very therapeutic and freeing.

Indeed therapeutic. It was my way of hanging on when everything was “so heavy”. Thank you for the nice words! If I manage to touch one soul with my words I am happy. The lyrics and the music of LP and others from my generation have followed me all my life since adolescence, when I went through periods that I just didn’t want to remember, but then I realized that I had to face them. This was my was of doing it after being sent to shrinks by my parents and my ex-wife. They didn’t understand me, the music and the books that I read, so they considered and still consider me sick. They were and are wrong. And this is my message to others. Depression makes us different, but not worse, and fighting depression is tough. Those who haven’t experienced it cannot understand the pain or the solutions. Not even a psychologist.
Thanks again for the nice words! :slight_smile:

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Hey @frank.anton
I find your viewing based on your experience very interesting.
It shows me that there are so many ways, and probably all right.
For me, it’s quite different.
I have this my whole live too, yes.
But I was always alone with it, fought on my own. I have a lot of strategies to handle my own. And I thought of me as honest person, but you can cultivate a lot of hiding strategies without lying. Even for close people or therapist I actually seeked out for help.
It’s just this year, since I am here, I learned that my paint isn’t a normal condition that everyone has. That there are actually pain attacks. That my wish for not being is rooted in the hope to escape the pain.
And I did seek out a therapist again and was real.
So I know now that pain attacks is also a form of depression. And I actually hope for help by the psychologist.
The help I got from people here is so not to measure, I’m for ever in their dept. But it doesn’t matter, I feel family now.
And for me mark this in the 40 thing, to finally not being alone in my struggles.
:blush:

Anna, I was alone with this too. My family and friends didn’t and don’t get this, so I withdrew from them, and looked for new friends who think alike. I am alone, but not lonely. Or maybe that I am lonely, but not alone. I don’t even know. Every single sentence that we write here is good, is of help. But I don’t kid myself: I know that I will die with this. And yes, I feel pain sometimes too. A pain that I can only try to express it in writing. You have to try to discover new things, to see what makes you feel better. We can be our best therapists. Or we can take pills and become someone that we aren’t.

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Hm.
Not all together with you.
I’m not planning on taking pills for sure.
And especially with therapists a lot of idiots out there.
But way not taking on some help?
I already had great help doe to a therapist in my struggles with my mother. I can now be with her without any trouble and concerns, I can see her mental illness beside her. It doesn’t pains me anymore. And that’s just a good thing.
I know of my inner child that abandoned, unloved one, know of her needs and know that is only me, that can take care of her.
But my father issues aren’t solved jet. The therapist back then had big man issues herself and as I saw through that, our work was done.
My father and his abandonment and cruelty still hurt like hell. I can’t change him, I can change me and for that, I’m happy to take some help.

I already do a lot. You can go to this forum and could find a tonne.
Not only what I wrote down to you above.
I also was first accompanied in a pain attack here.
I have now written down what happens to me under pain, I see how much I have separated the pain person from myself. I can see the danger in this, this pain me is for the me right now not predictable.
If you ask for triggers, there are so many. PMS for sure, exhaustion, working to much, change in location, somtimes just small things, people say something, feeling unloved, or some of all this mixed.
I also don’t believe that it ever will go away, but I can learn more and more to take good care of myself. And let also others who I trust help with this. Thats even harder to accept sometimes.
I am a writing person, everything I do is reflected in my writing mind.

Take a hug :hugs:

Have you meant someone specific? :thinking:

As far as 40 is concerned - I’ve heard it should be better after 50 :rofl:

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That’s a good one! :slight_smile: I still have about 8 years to wait. I’ll let you know in case you are younger. :slight_smile:

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