The deaths of Chester and Chris changed my life. They came after the death of my mother while I was in a shitty marriage, with serious suicidal thoughts. They will never disappear, but they are less intense.
I had to write, and I wrote a novel.
I started to put on paper my thoughts, feelings, my pain, and this helped me get better. It is a novel influenced by and dedicated to Chester and Chris, and their music is present in the entire book. It guides the depressive hero (my alter ego), while fighting his demons, trying to find his way, “to forget the past”. The music, the lyrics occur obsessively in the novel from the first to the last page. I would like to share you a paragraph as an example of what I mean, and a link to the whole book if you like it.
“I am on a stretcher, being pushed through a narrow corridor by two people in green. It seems that I am in a hospital. I cannot move my legs or neck. I wake up and ask what has happened. They tell me that I have had an accident. Oh yeah… I can remember something now. I was driving, I remember as the airbags inflated then burst, and a white powder surrounded us in the car. It was as if we had gone to heaven. Everything was in slow-motion. The car was spinning uncontrollably, waltzing gently towards an unknown destination. Our bodies, heads, and hands were moving chaotically and slowly up and down, to the left and to the right. The music was still on to accompany us on the way to… I don’t know where. It was once again Linkin Park: ‘Waiting for the End’ (‘We’re waiting for the end to come / Wishing I had strength to stand / This is not what I had planned / It’s out of my control’). The faster we were spinning, the slower the movement and the longer it seemed. And the more powerful the music. Then we felt a brutal impact and hit something. It was a concrete wall, we got stuck in a little concrete hole by the side of the road. It was so tiny that the car barely fit in there. It was as if God had put it there with Her own hands. The music stopped at the moment of the impact. Our clothes, hair and faces were covered in the white dust blown out when the airbags had inflated. All I could hear was moaning at that time. For a short while… then I passed out as a metal piece of the door pierced my body through my ribs, and the steering wheel compressed my chest. Yes, this is what happened… I am in bed, and a doctor comes to inform me of my injuries. Broken femur, broken kneecap, broken cheek bone, broken ribs, torn deltoid (my shoulder is at the level of my elbow), several head traumas… I ask about the others. They are all well, injured but well. I pass out again. I go into surgery the next day. I am awake when they put a long titanium plate in my leg, and fourteen screws, so that my femur can regenerate.”