A little laughter never hurts

The Barracks
#1

Figured maybe it would be cool to have a place to share random jokes-stupid jokes to witty jokes to knock knock jokes and anything in between

Let’s see what everyone’s got! We’re all over the place so we’re all bound to have heard something different!

Keep it as clean as possible and take stuff light heartedly!

A heavyset man and his wife are getting ready one evening and the man decides to weigh himself. The lady turns around and sees her husband squeezing eeeeevery possible inch of air out of his lungs. Frustrated she yells at him, “what are you doing?! Are you an idiot? How do you think that’s gonna help you weigh less??”
The man turns to her and says “hey you’re the idiot, i let all the air out so that it’s possible for me to see the numbers on the scale! :triumph:”

Let’s see what people come up with :grin:

13 Likes
Once Upon A Story [4.5]
What are you doing right now?
New person here :)
#2

I think my favorite things right now are anti-jokes:

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus

7 Likes
#3

a little dark lol

how about a proverb this time:
The early bird gets the worm, but its the second mouse that gets the cheese.

10 Likes
#4

The dark humour is my type of humour.

6 Likes
#5

My sense of humor is a little too gray-area to be shared here.

1 Like
#6

Try us
Blur texts aren’t just for spoilers lol

#7

Or I could go incognito
[spoiler]
A little boy and a pedophile go walking out into the woods.

The little boy says, “It sure is scary out here!”

The pedophile stops, looks back at the little boy and says, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back by myself!”[/spoiler]

6 Likes
#8

I posted this one on plug the other day but I’ll post here too.

A tour boat goes to a remote island, the tourists get out and explore the island while the boat crew stay behind. The tourists end up finding some natives who invite them to spend the day with them. At the end of the day the natives go to the boat crew to say how much they enjoyed the new company and whether they could bring more since the first tourists were so delicious. :joy:

1 Like
#9

I just saw this one on Facebook.

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/18275031_1200216780087622_2841369877987602251_n.jpg?oh=9d34bca8568842a4abc543534c7a6b31&oe=59C21C3A

3 Likes
#10

It took me about 5 times before I clocked it :stuck_out_tongue:

1 Like
#11

Sorry lol like I said anti-jokes seem to be my favorite joke style as of late.

#12

One from ages ago:

An Indian chief captures three enemy men.
once with his tribe, he tells the men, “before I end your lives you should know we will skin you, we will feast on your meat and then use your skins and bones to build our canoes. But I am merciful and I will grant you one wish each.”
First man says would you please let me write a letter and send it off for me. They let him do so and give him their word they will get it away. Bam.
Second man begs for a merciful and quick end. Bam.
The chief comes to the last man, well then what is it you want?
Would you please lend me a fork? Says the man
Chief says “you mean to ask for a last meal then?”
Man says “no. Just the fork”
They hand them the fork and suddenly the chief starts to curse at him when he sees the man begin to stab his own body, down his arms, down his legs, everywhere he can reach.
“What the hell are you doing? You’ve lost your mind?!”
The man looks back fiercely, " No! But Try making a canoe out of my skin NOW motha f*****!"

4 Likes
#13

Here’s a funny comment I read on yt:

Today I donated my watch, phone and $500 to a poor guy. You don’t know the happiness I felt as I saw him put his pistol back in his pocket.

5 Likes
#14

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.

5 Likes
#15

you claiming a type of humour is your best joke, keep up :slight_smile:

#16

Meaning what?

#17

you’re a bit slow aren’t you?

#18

And you’re a troll whose game is weak. Walk on…

#19

I don’t get your reticience, isn’t this a “laughter” topic after all? For someone claiming a type of humour you can’t really take a joke,
Unless I hit a weak point, then I am deeply sorry, had no idea you are so sensitive.

#20

You’re sending me mixed messages here. There’s nothing to be sorry for, I was under the impression that you were trolling.