I hope that for all the bad months there are some good days waiting for you. However briefly they last before you have to battle on again, don’t forget everything your presence brings to this world. We certainly appreciate having you here and I’m sure your family love you. Your fight is never in vain. Everyday you overcome is a day you win. Don’t give up the fight. Take strength from those who care about you and know there is always hope for the future 
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I know you said at this point, positivity falls on deaf ears so I’ll only remind you what an amazing wife you have to be beside you who deserves-not to be away from anything because it’s her choice and desire to be there with you-but to see you keep getting up even in the face of inevitability
You’re most definitely a brother man… speaking selfishly, I want you here with us, Anna does, zany does
I know at times you retreat but your presence is felt
Goes to show that you’re the one I’m speaking to on here dude 
I’m grateful for that and just…you’re needed here with all of us who care for you and appreciate you
You’re right a debilitating state is shit but goes to show you’re a badass
And those of us who don’t know what that’s like well…life eventually evens out- zero net life 
Just I hear ya man
I do
And makes me all the more grateful that you choose to spend your time here with us 
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Spent the night at the emergencie room of the hospital… My blood pressure peaked at 19/10 with a heart rate of only 47 (my normal is 80).
All they could do was monitor me. Got released this morning with actually no solution at all.
Today my BP has “normalized” to 13/8 but now my heart rate is too high; 95 in rest…
I really don’t know what to do anymore… Doing sport is not an option because of the Guillain Barrée and I already take 4 pills a day for my BP and HR…
Sometimes I wish it would all end right now (death seems a very attractive option now)
I know these rates are not that uncommon but if you put them together with all the other physical problems, it is becoming too much to be mentally in a right state…
I knew something was about to happen. I was too hyper (at home and here on the forum)… It’s something that always happens when my body is about to fail…
I’m “only” 52. I’m too fucking young too die already and yet it seems to me that death may eventually be the only solution, whether it’s willingly or not.
Thanks @framos1792 @anna834 @zanybelle for being there… Your words do help
Also, I want to apologize to @the_termin8r and anyone else I might have pissed off these last days…
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I feel like I’ve missed something.
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I’m talking about the whole off topic conversation in the music thread a couple of days ago. I had the impression that you weren’t too happy about that… And also I replied to you in a kind of “bitchy” manner…
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Hey
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I was mildly irritated and sleep deprived. Lol
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The really nice thing about Rob,
It’s ok to be bitchy
He doesn’t get offended that easy
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Nonetheless, I’m not feeling to well about the whole situation… I know myself, when I’m in that “hyper” state, I can say things that are potentially hurting to some people… Have lost some good friends in the past that way
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I know the sorry feeling later on.
I can be quite choleric and get off at people 
Their loss
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You seem to get an energy boost, like your body is saying, hurry, get your things done, we are going for another round.
Had this right before labour hit.
And in smaller, every month right before the PMS striks.
Sure no real comparison, it just feels a little that way.
Sigh
And I try not to worry, when you are that way.
Always hope, this time, it just lasts.
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I won’t get my hope on that. I’ve been told already that things won’t get any better. All I can do is trying to control it by changing my lifestyle a bit. Which I’ve already done so much, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. But the doctors only see their own speciality. All of them tend to forget that all my problems now are a result of one thing, the Guillain Barrée. And that will never go away anymore… So all they can do is patch things up until the next time.
Anyway, I tried to go on a walk with the dog this morning and after 200 meters I had to give up and return. My whole body was in pain from the cold. And it isn’t even freezing yet…
Also I should really try to stop smoking (he writes while smoking another one), but I don’t have the mental strength to do it on my own. But I’ll try…
Have a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday. We’ll see how that turns out.
You know, the whole problem is that whatever I do to try to solve one thing, another thing is triggered just because of that. Nothing is in balance and instead of problems going away, new ones are formed instantly. This GBS has ruined my life since 2006 and every year new problems (little ones as well as the big ones) arise because of it. And every year it’s getting harder to deal with them…
But enough about me.
How’s your dog doing? Everything still fine?
And equally important (
) , how are you doing?
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The dog is fine, runs on pain medication for now and then we will see.
Maybe he is a bit annoyed, that I’m still in bed. 
Went for a bike ride last night. Stopped for two beers in a bar. And as I came home, decided that for once it is ok to get really drunk.
So I did.
Just read some WA convo I had, that I can’t remember having at all. 
So I’m really happy you were in the hospital and I don’t have open convos here, to be ashamed of.
Besides posting cakewishes in the wrong topic.
You know, I’m kidding.
Sorry, I am a hopeful person, can’t help it.
I don’t know, can’t imagine being without it, wouldn’t hold up a day. Even in my most devastated pain moments, I always hope.
Hope dies last.
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I can’t say that is my experience… every time I hope, it’s pushed back down by reality.
I had high hopes last summer after the operation but as I said, if one thing goes away, another arise…
Sometimes I think the same, but everytime something gets in the way… it never seems the right time.
And I normally don’t drink alcohol, so it would be an experience of which I have no idea how it would end. But being totally “off world” for once would be nice… even if it’s for just a short while…
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To the smoking part.
Hardening of the arteries run in the family of my ex husband, and with that maybe also with my kids.
Smoking and this …
I lost my father in law and my sister in low due to this.
So seeing my ex husband smoke …
But still, it’s his decision.
As it is yours.
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Reading my last night convos, it definitely was. 
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I really want to stop but I lack the character… also I had to stop so many things already that I fear that I will end up with nothing to get a little fun and comfort out… If I have to live a boring life (and I’m close to it), I’d rather have no life at all… I’m not one who wants to get very old no matter what. I’d rather die early but with a fullfilling life than get really old as a plant…
But still, 52 is too young… I still have things to do
BTW… GET OUT OF YOUR BED, IT’S NOON!!!
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I’m not judging, really not.
And also not lecturing.
I get what you tell.
Its just two parts that don’t get along well and still have to live together.
I loved my father in law and my sister in law very much, and had so wished to have them longer around.
So it’s just both there.
Sigh
Why?
I know…
Also in my family. I should really quit… And I will, but not on my own, hence the doctor’s appointment…
Yeah, you’re right… actually I was thinking of going to bed too this afternoon, didn’t had much sleep last night…
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And there I turn silent.
The one who can’t shut up.
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