Reading my last night convos, it definitely was. 
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I really want to stop but I lack the character… also I had to stop so many things already that I fear that I will end up with nothing to get a little fun and comfort out… If I have to live a boring life (and I’m close to it), I’d rather have no life at all… I’m not one who wants to get very old no matter what. I’d rather die early but with a fullfilling life than get really old as a plant…
But still, 52 is too young… I still have things to do
BTW… GET OUT OF YOUR BED, IT’S NOON!!! 
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I’m not judging, really not.
And also not lecturing.
I get what you tell.
Its just two parts that don’t get along well and still have to live together.
I loved my father in law and my sister in law very much, and had so wished to have them longer around.
So it’s just both there.
Sigh
Why?
I know…
Also in my family. I should really quit… And I will, but not on my own, hence the doctor’s appointment…
Yeah, you’re right… actually I was thinking of going to bed too this afternoon, didn’t had much sleep last night…
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And there I turn silent.
The one who can’t shut up.
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I wish there is a medical breakthrough to find a way to improve your quality of life. That is something most doctors will try their best to do. Your resolve is wavering, I understand that. The constant struggle, the pain, the unknown… I admire your strength. I always think everyone often forgets how amazing human beings actually are. There are debilitating condition people fight with daily and somehow they manage to maintain a beautiful spirit amidst all the pain. To me, that makes you the real heroes. The real soldiers of life. You have the hardest battles, yet you are also the strongest. Never forget that.
And, I have to add, your post was actually my favourite on this forum to date so please don’t apologise (no offense to anyone but I love this)
(legendary!)
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So… It turns out I had my first real heart attack last week… A small one but still… Anyhow it’s not good because I can’t do the things a “normal” heart patient has to do… All because of that stupid GBS (wich is the cause of everything in the first place), so no cardio training, I can’t take all the neccesary meds because they clash with the other pills I have to take, etc.
I don’t know why I’m telling this now… Guess I just wanted it of my chest for now…
I’ll explain more at a later time… My head is not in the right place right now…
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Edit
To post a heart, how 
But you know what I mean 
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Yes, I do
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These last days I did a lot of thinking about my life and the people in it. I fucked up so many times that I will never be able to make amends with all the people I’ve hurt, wether it was willingly or not. But I contacted a few of them… and some even replied in a positive way. So that’s good.
But my main reason was to be able to say goodbye in a proper way, in case something suddenly happens.
Now I want to do the same here.
Thank you all for being here, for supporting and for loving someone you don’t even know at all. Never in my life have I experienced such a loyalty and love as I have here… I love you all for that.
This is not a goodbye note. If I have it my way, I won’t be leaving for a long time. But just in case something suddenly would happen , I just wanted to let you know this.
(btw, I’ve talked to my wife about this. And if something should happen, she’ll be the one who will bring the news. I do hope, when that time comes, you’ll be nice to her 
)
edit: I have a whole week of doctor’s appointments at the hospital in prospect…
Yay 
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Just…thank you… for taking us into account…and well…even for asking your wife to come if something ever happens, it’s…comforting to know we won’t be in the dark
Love you as the brother you’ve grown to be in a short time dude…
sucks to even consider a possibility but I understand actually having thought similar but just… idk, as you said, you ain’t going anywhere for a very long time 
I’ll do the same as I told @IronSoldier16-I’ll bother you on the other side with a ouija board every damn day you don’t want that…so stay here
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Thought about it, but not ready for some goodbye speach.
@Fravaco, my friend, I remember the day you first came here… It’s been incredible how the things has changed in this last year… I remember that for that time you came just to let us know about your life and how the things looked like…
Whatever happens, we are with you and your wife. I don’t think that something bad happens today, but if so, then be sure everyone here will be you and we’ll do all we can to help you.
I’ll try to write you a dedication and when it’s really I’ll publish it here, ok?
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I can only imagine how heavy it must be to have to say such things, but it’s also really appreciative and kind. Thank you as well man, for being here, for joining the community and for making us (me at least) realise time and time again how we should value every moment we have with each other. Whether it’s online or real life. As you say, you never know when things suddenly change, so let’s just enjoy our company here while we can Take care and have a good goodnight everyone
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So, I’ll try to keep this short.
Please, don’t mind if I sound a bit confused or inconsistent…
Last weeks heart attack triggered a lot of things. My GBS is way worse as before. I have trouble walking even short distances again, joined by a numb feeling that’s very familiar. I had the same in the first years, so, it looks and feels as if I’ve been thrown back 10 years… Also it seems that the troubles with the veins around my intestants has returned also (exactly as it was in the beginning of this year after Mike’s concert). So again, it has all the signs that last july’s surgery has only lasted 5 months. If this will be the case, I’ll have to face a new but more severe surgery because my veins can’t handle a third Intervention. (simply said, they’ll probably will have to replace the bad veins by good ones that they’ll take out of other parts of the body).
And a new problem has raised, also the veins in my head seem to be getting affected…
Mentally it’s getting harder and harder to take it all in. To be honest, death seems like a beautiful thing right now, freed of all problems.
I’m not at the point of thinking to end it all but I’m starting to get the impression that something keeps pushing me into that direction.
It just never ends… I can’t even remember a time when my body had no pain at all… There are moments that I’ve been thinking to go search for something that would shut it all down, even for just a little while (think morphine or heroin). I’ve never thought of this before, so I’m starting to scare myself a bit.
Anyway, I just had to get this of my chest. Sorry, you have to be the “victims” of my sorrow…
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I am not your victim!
Don’t ever think that!!!
I always think of you with happyness!
Edit
Not entirely true, but I take the pain that comes with your suffering. It’s what I decide.
@Fravaco sorry, it sounds angry
I’m not
At least not at you
Maybe on life
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Not victims but helpless witnesses 
Unfortunatelly…
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I said that before and re-saying it now: you are my hero! You’re stronger than you think…and we aren’t victims… we do care for you! 
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Well, you might change your mind if you’ll read the discussion that’s been going on on another thread
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