Portraits of a Masked Mind

Can’t find these stories :sweat_smile: Can you give me a link?

In the first post are the summary with the number of the post where you can find them :slight_smile: check out experimentos.

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Interesting story, @ironsoldier16 :slight_smile:

I’m sorry I was not able to read it earlier, but I’m also dead busy with work and child making problems :smiley:

I think you have a talent to write. Despite the “macabre” murder (which I knew was intentional because you wanted us to hate the main character), the story is interesting. The relationship between the main character and the child is what caught me reading, because despite the main character being hated for the murder, this relationship shows that there’s some common sense in him and he has some feelings - this means he is a person after all. I think this is the art of writers - make you both like and hate a character.

That’s why it was a bit harder to decide between kill and condeption. If I’d knew about the devious murder only, maybe I’d be more likely to choose kill, but when I read about the child, it was a clear choice. But I’m sure I cannot have the man run free, because of what and how he’s done. It is a horrible act and the regret that he did it to someone he liked for the rest of his life is an enough punishment. But he cannot run free, because nobody knows when he’ll get over that feeling of regret.

As for the reading, I did not understand some sentences because of your English. I don’t wanna sound like a grammar despot, but when I was writing stories, they told me that I should not publish until I correct the grammar. But you’ll get better, I’m sure :slight_smile: If you want, I can send you sentences I didn’t understand or had written differently, maybe it’ll help.

As for the style of writing, I like it, it’s so unique. However, sometimes I was not sure who says what, you need to embed direct/indirect speech on some places :slight_smile:

I’m looking forward for the story continuation and for your next stories :slight_smile:

P.S.: because of the business I don’t have time to read everything in this topic, so please if you’ll tag me, just put a link to what I can read into the post, because I was lost at the first time. I found the story just because of the poll :angel: :slight_smile:

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Oh soo sorry, thanx for the reminder :sunny:I voted now :blush: @ironsoldier16

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Thank you!

Don’t worry. I know how it feels.

You got it!

That was my intention :wink:

Thanks, I like to believe that.

Sorry. I tried to do my best.

You don’t.

Please! You can send them to: tellezvictormanuel@outlook.com

Sorry, I still am having problems of redaction, I must search on books information about this.

Wow, it’s the first time that somebody said that about my job. Thank you so much.

Take your time. These histories always will be here.

I’ll take it in mind.

@theearlywalker it’s ok. Thank you :smile:

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I’m sending the text with my comments to your email :slight_smile: Don’t take them too seriously but I hope they’ll help you :slight_smile:

You’re welcome :slight_smile: I think the uniqueness is in your ability to tell a story via pure dialogs. This is what got my interest in the first place :slight_smile: And also, you have quite a good vocabulary :slight_smile:
The rule number one is not to repeat the same words through the whole story, because otherwise it sounds too repetitive and unprofessional. But you don’t do it so much, you are much better than me in this task. I need to use a synonymical dictionary to remove repetition.

Also, there are also tools which can analyze text and find such repetitive words in a text so you can replace them with synonyms or reformulate sentences. I had such a tool in Slovak somewhere but I don’t have it for English, you would have to google it. But it’s useful if you consider writing in the future :slight_smile:

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I just saw the history. Are they in the document?

This one in particular I wrote like that. Thanks.

I didn’t know it! But I always have done. Even in my songs I try to don’t repeat words.

Sometimes me too.

I’ll search them soon, I really appreciate your help :smile:

EDITED: My cellphone can’t show me the comments. Sorry. I’m a PC now, so I read them now :wink:

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Yes, just display the comments there… If you need another format, just let me know, I can send a PDF :slight_smile:

Sure, anytime, I’m happy to help :slight_smile:

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It’s ok, I’ll read them in a PC tonight. Thank you very much!

The poll has been closed!

The results:
Letter B (3 votes)
Letter C (2 votes)
Letter A (1 vote)

Thanks to all who voted and all the readers to take the time to do it.


  • The letters correspond an alternative ending for Alex.
  • Each end has its own hidden messages.
  • @mishelka3 can you help me in the redacction, please?
  • These ends have bad words, all of them are marked as spoiler for obvious reasons.
  • @the_termin8r here is the letter of your decision.

Previously in Forgiveness:
Jury: Alex! We already have your final verdict, your sentence is… A draw between Death, Conviction and Freedom?! What does this mean?!
Judge: I know how to fix it. There is one person who has not yet voted.
Jury: Who?!
Judge: That person is someone who has been present at the courthouse.


Letter A: Death
Judge: The last member has voted, this court sentences you to: Death! You will be executed tomorrow morning. Either you can’t see the boy. Guard, take him off here.
Guard: It will be a pleasure!
Alex: (In state of shock and madness) Are you kidding?! You can’t do me that! I’m gonna kill you if you don’t leave me see the kid right now! -Says Alex threatening the Judge.
Judge: Your insolence and threats will no longer be a problem for the kid. And Alex, I just hope that you like the prison’s food.
Guard: [spoiler]It tastes to shit[/spoiler] according the other prisioners…Don’t worry sweety, I’ll make sure Andrés is gonna see you tomorrow in first row.
Alex: How do you dare?! He’s a kid, you’re going to ruin his life!
Guard: Not as much as you! Coward Look at you! you destroyed his life!
Alex: (Crying disconsolately) I’m sorry!! Please, I don’t wanna die. I don’t know what I said to the judge, but let me live.
Guard: Hahahaha And lost the chance to see how the trash like you die? Forget that, I’d not do any way. Here is your new house -he pushes Alex into the jail.-
Alex:[spoiler] Damn my life[/spoiler] and even more my impulsive mind! That guard will die! However I’m gonna die too… Tomorrow I will send him to the hell.

In that moment, Alex thinks in a way to annihilate him, without knowing, the day is over and the guards take him to the execute’s room.

Guard: As I told you, here is him.
Alex: (Almost crying) What are you doing here?! Go! You must not watch t…
Andrés: Shut up!!! (Shouts Andrés with despair and deep anger.) You killed my father and now I live with my grandpa, I have to leave the school… I believed that we were friends! You deserve to die…! Officer, turn down the switch.
Guard: With pleasure!
Alex: Noooooo! I’m sor…! Ahhhhh!!

A smell of burnt flesh spreads throughout the room. In the distance, a prisoner calls for him to shut up or he will.

Alex: What kind of nightmare has been this one?!
His conscience: It’s the anxiety and the fear combined, unfortunality it’s what we deserve.
Alex: Shut up! Why didn’t you stop me that night?!
His conscience: You didn’t hear me, and your desire was major.
Alex: “It’s a lie!!”

The prisoner comes screaming and knocks Alex out.
The next day.

Judge: May God have mercy on your soul!
Guard: I’d say the Devil hahaha Hey! I brought you a message of the kid, it says that don’t apologize you. If you don’t believe me here is the note.
Alex: This is not his letter, it’s yours! I’m gonna see you in the hell!

In a fit of anger, Alex snatches the gun and shoots the guard in the head.

Judge: What have you done?! I came to tell you that the kid wanted to talk with you. -Shouts the judge while he covered the eyes of the kid.

Completely frightened, Andrés shouts to Alex that he is the same Devil.

Andres: Stay away from me!
Jugde: What did you win with that?
Alex: (With the gun in his hand and realizing what he did) I… I a-am… I don’t deserve to live anymore!!
Jugde: Stop there! Don’t do it!
Alex: (Taking the gun and shooting to himself in all his body while screaming agonically) I deserve to die! I’m useless, [spoiler]I’am a fucking killer![/spoiler] The kid has gone! And I must die!..

Using the last bullet, he shoots in his head.


  • As you can see this is the way of how he died, but in the final version there are a lot of changes.
  • Maybe for 2018 it’s ready.
  • I published this first because is the one with less votes.
  • The next one will be: Letter B
7 Likes

Didn’t I lose the vote though? Thanks anyway. I’ll read it tomorrow (I’m too tired now).

Ahh it was not a poll to choice a winner, I just wanted to know what end you wanted. I have to eat, so more late I’ll publish the Letter B.

Ok take your time.

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  • The letters correspond an alternative ending for Alex.
  • Each end has its own hidden messages.
  • These ends have bad words, all of them are marked as spoiler for obvious reasons.
  • @mishelka3, @samuel_the_leader and @lpfan61 here is your decision.
  • Some setences are censured for sexual references.

Previously in Forgiveness:
Jury: Alex! We already have your final verdict, your sentence is… A draw between Death, Conviction and Freedom?! What does this mean?!
Judge: I know how to fix it. There is one person who has not yet voted.
Jury: Who?!
Judge: That person is someone who has been present at the courthouse.


Letter B: Condemned.
Judge: Alex! You are condemned to 35 years of prison with probation in 10 years.
Alex: God!
Guard: [spoiler] Your new owner awaits for you, and he’s very “romantic and special” with new meat."[/spoiler] -He says sarcastically on their way to the cell.
His concience: Calm down Alex, you must be strong there.
Alex: It is not that! I don’t care who was my cellmate. I need to see Andrés right now. That jugde lied to me, he didn’t talk about my favor with the others members.
His concience: You must hold on until you get the probation.
Alex: 10 years?! [spoiler]Fucking Erick[/spoiler] even in death, [spoiler]you keep fucking me[/spoiler]
Cellmate: So you were who killed my uncle Erick? You will regret what you’ve done.
Alex: If that makes that Andrés apologize me… Do it, I don’t care!
Cellmate: Don’t you care your life? C’mon! Defend yourself, [spoiler]idiot.[/spoiler]
Alex: I want to expiate for my sins, I must not oppose myself in any way.
Cellmate: (Stops his punch) Listen to me, if you want to get the forgiveness of Andrés, you will must survive to my presence until we can see him. I won’t beat you down to death. I… needed to do. Erick wasn’t the best uncle in the world, but in the end the family must be united, both in good and bad. Erick was a drunker womanizer and someone must stop him.I ask to God for that, but I never thought that someone would kill him, and at least that “that someone” were my cellmate. C’mon, go to rest. Nodoby will bother you while I am around.
Alex: Tha-thank you… What’s your name?
Cellmate: Call me Alan, by the moment.
Alex: I believed that you were a bad person… Why are you here?
Alan: I am innocent. Everyone say that I abused of Everyone says [spoiler]I sexually abused a minor[/spoiler] some even say [spoiler]that I raped her anally and then suffocated her[/spoiler] Dude. I am asexual, that’s mean that I don’t like men or women. However, I will be free in 6 months.
Alex: I believe you. I’m condemned to 35 years with probation of 10 years. It’s ok, if it’s the law, you have to follow it. I just want to get his forgiveness.
Alan: I will talk with my contacts. by the way, don’t say anything about my secret to anyone. It’s hard to earn the respect of the other prisoners.

Some weeks after.

Alex: How many time I must wait? Alan doesn’t tell me anything, the guard is still annoying me and the jugde doesn’t appear over here.
Alan: Sorry for the late, but I finally earned that the judge comes and the guard doesn’t annoy you. Don’t worry, he is not death.
Alex: Thank you very much, I hope that your dreams come true.
Alan: It will be, Alex, it will. There they come! Cald down, Andrés already knows everything.
Judge: Under the circumstances, I’ll give you 3 minutes to talk to the child alone. This is your last chance Alex.
Andrés: Hi, Alex! How are you? -Ask serene.
Alex: A-An, Andr… Andrés, you are here!! Forgive me for have killed your father! I really sorry!! Please Andrés forgive me!.
Andrés: My father didn’t love me… He just pretended to do… I forgive you for kill him… but no for the way you executed him.
Judge: The time is over! Let’s go Andrés!
Alex: Be good, and I will see you in ten years, goodbye.
Alan; He’s still as sincere and direct as ever, even if, I feel you’re not happy. Ah, yeah… I forgot to tell you that I go out tomorrow and I will live with him.
Alex: I… I feel empty… I don’t know… I’m happy because I finally told him what I can’t say in two years, and… at the same time… I am sad… However… It doesn’t matter… I can breath again… Now… I must fulfill my sentence solitarily.


  • In this ending, Alex has a double sentence, one is the 35 years, and the other the moral.
  • I have to change several setences because I was using a lot of idioms.
  • The Spanish version will be publish after the Letter C.
7 Likes

I chose the right one for me… prefer this end than the previous with the death…
The ending with death has many macabre descriptions again to link with the kill… and a tragic event to close all…
In the conviction story you wrote exactly the kind of end that I would want… I imagined something like this… While with the “death” I come to almost hate Alex, in the “conviction” I come to understand his reasons and have the same thought of the child: forgive him,because the father deserve some kind of punishment, but not the way he chose to set the child free… (not only the way he did the kill, even the fact he chose to do that…).
Anyway I like your way of writing…You made me read all the story, from start to end, every line of it…because if a part is missing than it’s impossible to understand all the story and there’s no sense in it…this is a skill of a good writer… :smiley: well done!

Another thing, @mishelka3 was right… Now that you added the name of who’s talking it’s all clearer… thanks to both of you! :slightly_smiling_face:

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Thank you very much. I’ll edited the history later. And I’ll tag you all there. I hope you can apologize me for that mistake.

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Don’t worry! It’s a little mistake… the story is the same, only clearer for us while reading… :wink: :smile:

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I won’t can post the Letter C until tomorrow.
Meanwhile I will leave this little Poem/history.
I’m in the cellphone and some features are unable.

MY SON
I dreamed with have a child
To care him, love him,
Want him, protect him,
Teach him to be an human with feeling
Instead an interest crawl tool.
Since I was young, that was my desire.

When that day came,
I realized that,
I didn’t have the necessary to be it,
In case of fulfill my wishes
And cover your needs,
I made you suffer
A lot of things that you didn’t deserve.
I wanted to die
And above the pain,
But I couldn’t
Leave you to your luck.

Your heart
Was so strong and noble,
That you know how to conform me
In those moments.
Passed some years
We went ahead.
You’re still being my son
Despite I cease
To be your father…

I became your friend
A moment.
At the end of the street,
You turned into my father
And I, in your son.
You knew forgive my mistakes
And fixed my path
How much I thank you!

“Old age will be hard” I thought,
But you soft human touch
And warrior heart
Made me wish with my soul reach it.
I called you as my best friend
Because I knew that it fitted in you:
Chester
Keep shining!


Spanish version soon.

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This… :blush:

I love all LP member, but Chester… always thinking of him as my best friend, my brother, my father… :heart: :heartpulse: :sparkling_heart: :heart:

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Much much better with the notations of who says what :slight_smile:
I like both endings, it’s good writing :slight_smile:

@ironsoldier16 I’ve sent you an email with my corrections, hope it helps :slight_smile:

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Thanks.

I saw it first that your reply here jaja I’ll try to reply you both of them tonight.

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