It has been a week now. Family and friends have been telling me that this would pass. The pain instead continues to run in the body and mind. Everything feels so incomplete without him. I wish he would be here, I would have begged him not to leave us, ever. I would have told him that how important he is, more than he knew or now for a matter, more than I knew! I never got to meet him, but every year I would bind a hope that I would see him soon in person and would tell him that even though we have not met ever or he did not know me, since the age of 13, he had been my greatest support system. Just the feeling of not being able to achieve this and that I would never be able to tell him how much he means to me is devastating. Few months ago, when I dream that he has gone forever, I was horrified, the feeling was mute and broke I am still trying to believe that I am living that dream now.
There is always a vacant feeling inside the heart that haunting, depressing and killing me. Every time I want to cheer up I am reminded by my thoughts that Chester is no more and it sucks the life out of me for that moment. Today after a week, I decided to go to work, the only good thing about going to work for me is, the one hour drive with Linkin Park. I tried after 4 days to listen to Chester, it was heart breaking, I started with the messenger as Mike shared, then went to crawling and finally got broke at Leave out all the rest. I can’t listen to him, it just hurts more. Its like all the old memories associated with every second of the song comes back to rip my heart apart.
Don’t worry, I’m sure he hears you from the above 
I know it hurts, me too. But maybe try to start with some more positive songs. For me, I never heard Recharged, because the first single just scared me away that time. But the album is actually pretty good and makes my mood a little better. You are not alone, we are all toghether, we must fight this, like he did
I can’t sleep well, when my eyes shut down, there are thoughts of Chester that runs inside my head, for me its feels like I am dreaming and suddenly I am awake with a horror. The nights seem haunting round the clock. The fact he took his own life, the fact that he must be in such a pain, the fact that all the songs had a bit of pain of chester is killing me more. The posters in the room - I can’t look at them, I just can’t. The phone that I have, has a screensaver picture of Chester from a concert. I have never changed it from last 4 years, I do not want to unlock my phone because I would have to see him and get reminded that we lost him. Watching the transformer movie just for the climax so listen to LP songs will be a difficult trend. The feeling that I would now not be able to hear him, see him on LPTV anymore is so indescribable… Every twitter feed from mike, makes me feel so sad for the guys that I can not explain. I wish he is seeing the love and prayers we have for all of them and it makes them stronger.
For every problem that I had in my life since from the childhood - I have always been assured with one fact that always rested in my heart - “at least I have Linkin Park”, I do not know how to fill this void.
Thanks @mishelka3 Thanks for being there. Just too filled with tears to write anymore.
No problem. If you need to vent out, just write me, I’m here for you. <3
I literally cried reading this. I am sorry. I am swimming in mixed emotions. I wrote an open for everyone & to Chester if you ever wanna read that. that was such a touching story, I’m glad you shared it with us. what I’ve learned along the way is that talking helps. just speaking things aloud, talking to another human being what you’ve been through, what you feel, what goes inside your head… it helps.
Yesterday, i went back to self harming myself. Made me re-live all the horrible things.
At age 9, my dad was abusive to my Mom. That’s when the cutting started.
At age 11, i was sexually abused by one of my dad’s friend (while my own father did nothing)
At age 16, my mom died of breast cancer & leukemia on my birthday
At age 18, my brother died in a car accident
At age 19, I had my first son
At age 27, i lost my stepbrother in a car accident. I lost Chris Cornell (loved him in Soundgarden & Audioslave & Temple of the Dog) and now, I lost another idol & that was Chester.
So now I’m sitting here, emotionally drained and physically exhausted & mentally not even thinking straight anymore. So I was in the hospital yesterday getting my arm bandaged up, my stepdad called me and asked if I was alright. I didn’t know what to tell him, so i lied and told him i was fine.
I wish i can take alot of people’s pain away, but remember this, it took guts to tell us this and that’s what we’re here for when our friends and families don’t wanna listen to our problems, but guess what? everyone here in this LP Community have went through these similar situations. We are here for you 
Hey, just want to let you all know that LPLive has set up a discord chat for anyone that needs help. There are usually at least a handful of people from all over the world in there at any given time. We help each other out and talk about what’s going on and it’s been really helpful to me. If you guys need someone to talk to immediately, you should check it out <3
jooo ! ^^ ootko huomenna tulossa Chester memorialiin Kaisaniemeen?
Mä en harmi kyllä pääse paikalle 
Tiedätkö onko paljon porukkaa tulossa sinne?
33 näyttäis olevan tulossa tällä hetkellä, 80 kiinnostunutta
Toivotaan että on paljon väkeä paikalla!
Deleted for a moment
This is my first time posting in a forum here. I didn’t realise that Chester’s death would affect me the way it has. Like all of you I feel like I have lost a friend which is a totally unexpected response. I’m never caught up in people or celebrity…I actually can’t stand it but music is very important to me. Linkin Park have been one of those formative bands me for. I started listening to them back at hybrid theory when I was 14 and they have been with me ever since. Again like a lot of people their music helped me out a lot and pushed me through a lot of stuff. I feel so sad that he helped so many of us but no one could help him. Listening to their music over the last month has made me feel incredibly sad but has also helped. When I heard the news it felt like I hadn’t just lost him but also something of me. You know some things can have such a powerful hold over part of your life especially as a teenager and as you grow up little pieces are slowly peeled away. This really feels like that last piece of that time in my life is gone…there are no links back there apart from what I have inside my memories. Anyway hope everyone is doing ok
I’m hurting so, so much and I don’t know what to do, I’m either feeling empty or I’m bawling my eyes out, there’s not much of an in between and my depression took a turn for the worse. I have a psychologist I’m meeting with one hour a week but what do you do with the rest of the hours? It just hurts so much
I know how you feel. I too wished that it was a joke too. I loved his voice since day one. And I am really upset as you are now. There was so many things I wanted to see him do too, but will never happen.I miss his voice, his laugh, his warmth, and generosity, and sense of humor. I miss everything that made him what he was.
I honestly would have felt better if he was still with us. Especially since I had just met him three years ago.
Unfortunately I was a bit busy Jennifer. I raised our kids for 30 yrs (18 of which LP got me through), the youngest just an adult now. LP had been making tentative plans some mths ago for an Australian tour in 2018 - of which I thought ‘I am so there!! Especially now the kids are adults!’ Shall not have that opportunity to see & hear Chester in person on stage now…this sucks majorly & it’s something I won’t ever get the chance for again. (Insert a few expletives along with kicking myself). One really horrid nightmare that I wish wasn’t real. So sad.
I know the feeling. And what hurts even worse, is that I feel sorry for Draven and the kids too, which makes me even sadder. I pray that they all get through this. Nobody should ever have to go through such turmoil.
I feel exactly the same and i don’t know how to carry on, too.
Alina
I feel that it not the same without chester and i never had the chance to see or tomeat hem . But his voice touched my soul and because of hem i am alive because of my love for chester