Sorry for the delays, everyone. I’ve been quite busy recently. To make up for it, I’ll release both Collateral Damage and Excuses For Misanthropy today.
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Entry 8 is about my thoughts on family holidays, it’s noticably shorter because the source of misery is always the same on all of them and I can’t write as much without repeating myself.
Entry 8: Collateral damage
Entry 8: Collateral damage
You know, I was under the impression that family holidays are supposed to be fun for all. I mean, after all, you spend your days having fun around your family…supposedly. As you can probably tell by now, that’s not what these entries are about. On family holidays, I’m usually the collateral damage. Family holidays stopped being fun and started being mostly chores several years ago. Probably around the time I lost my humanity to boredom.
For the past few years, family holidays have been nothing but temper tolerance tests for me. Whether it be the locations we go to, the activities we do or otherwise, there’s always something to ruin the potential fun. I’ll start with our last holiday since it was a couple of months ago and is still fresh-ish in my mind. We drove across western Europe (Germany being the destination) and spent most of the time either shopping or going to theme parks. I was dragged to Europe to go shopping and to go to shitty theme parks. Like our ones weren’t enough. I have never once been to Europe to go on holiday like a normal person. I’ve been to Germany four times; all four times were for shops and theme parks. I’ve been to France three or four times where we’ve stayed and driven through about another four times. The four times that we stayed were all for Disneyland.
But anyway, back to the last holiday. The first day wasn’t too bad as it was mostly traveling, we passed through France, Belgium and Luxembourg and stopped off in a couple of places. The first night though was a nightmare (just like all nights). When we go on holidays we all share one bloody room (since we only stay a night or two per hotel) and everyone but me likes to sleep in a sauna. I’ve asked if I could pay for my own room and the answer is usually no, because it’s not worth it (they have point), but I’ve also asked if I could sleep in the car (that’s how desperate I got) and the answer was still no. Temperatures usually reach a minimum of 27C and humidity reaches a minimum of 70%, and that’s only what my thermometer can pick up, being there in person is a lot worse. Four people in a small room with no open windows and the aircon turned off means I get two hours of sleep if I’m lucky.
Running on two hours of sleep is enough to ruin anyone’s mood (especially when it was totally preventable), now imagine that and then having to spend the day in a noisy and crowded shopping area or theme park. Yeah…you can see where this is going. To make things worse, I came down with some kind of cold / flu halfway through the holiday and still had to try and sleep. Of course, that didn’t happen; what actually happened was me being 42h sleep deprived and having to spend the next day in a theme park that had a bigger crowd on the Monday than on the Sunday before it.
On the odd occasion that we do something other than theme parks or shopping, the fun is usually ruined by my mum or sister. Neither of which like traveling or walking at more than 2mph. A few years ago, we went to Switzerland for a day (the main reason for the trip was to go shopping and to theme parks in Germany…go figure). I’d been wanting to go to Switzerland forever and my dad had finally convinced my mum and sister to travel to there. We got there, and it was amazing, but alas, the fun was ruined by my sister who had suddenly and inexplicably developed a fear of heights. That meant we could only get up to about 2224m when the roads went a hell of a lot higher. I’d waited years, tolerated four days of theme parks and shopping to go to the Swiss alps only for it to be ruined by my sister, we didn’t even get 2h in the mountains. Her fear of heights and her (as well as my mum’s) refusal to walk more than 200m in one go also ruined the only decent day we had in Germany on the last holiday too.
When we go on holidays to potentially interesting places it’s always ruined because there’s all sort of cool stuff to do and see, but all we ever do it go shopping. All of it is because of my mum and sister. My dad is getting fed up of it too at this stage. My sister is the sort of person who wouldn’t walk to the end of our road unless she absolutely had to, and she seems to not like trying new things. My mum also seems to love the great indoors, but she can be excused because she’s a legend. My sister on the other hand…not so much. I dread the next family holiday, because we’ll in all likelihood be going to Europe for shops and theme parks…for the 8th time.
I’ll set about writing Entry 9 now, I should have it done in a couple of hours.
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Reading it know 
…
My condolences and I feel you- the best writing flow imo is from the third to the fourth paragraph- I would have loved it if you were going on with digging deeper into the misery from that day - like what happened that day exactly with this flue and the 42hrs of sleep lack… like describing the whole way from sucking to bad to worse to worst case - like you already do- but with a - in that case “worst end” to make the reader rofl…
For me the more details you add the more I feel you and can- with the distance of being only the reader - laugh out loud- to cringe partly- that’s absolutely cool this one is my favorite so far 
thank you for this 
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I think you meant spend rather than send
Nicely written! I’m sorry you don’t get a chance to do what you would like! I am hoping the next family vacation is better than you expect it to be. I love reading your stories
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I didn’t for two reasons, 1) I’ve ranted about it before in other places. 2) COM is starting to feel a chore and I just wanted to finish the entry. lol
There wasn’t much to say, that day was day 2 in the theme park with the ride table that I made.
I do, thanks. 
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Entry 9 is ready, if it wasn’t blatantly obvious, I was pretty pissed off writing this one. At one point I said some not-so-nice things about Americans. Americans reading this, don’t take it personally. This entry is obviously about my acute misanthropy.
Entry 9: Excuses for misanthropy
Entry 9: Excuses for misanthropy
Why are people so loathe-able? Well, to answer my own question, it’s, because the mass populace is a swirling mass of stupidity, ignorance and incompetence. To be honest, I don’t need to come up with excuses for misanthropy, because sometimes it is so obviously justified. But I’m going to do it anyway because I’d have nothing to write for the next few paragraphs.
I’m going to dispense with the waffle and get straight to the first group of ‘people’ I loathe. NFL fans, up until a week ago, they weren’t even on my radar, they were just something for me to laugh at occasionally. That all changed last Sunday when I had to change trains at Wembley Park station. For some genius reason, some retard had decided that hosting an NFL championship in the UK is an excellent idea. I’ll tell you just how excellent it is, you try getting through a drove of fat, useless, stupid, fucking, retarded, drunken, mindless, slack-jawed, mouth breathing Americans. These fuckwits make regular rowdy football (actual football) fans look like model citizens. The crowd was so bad that the station had to be temporarily shut to ease the congestion. I nearly drowned in blubber that evening, they stampeded in the moment the train doors opened, not even giving a chance to the people trying to get off. I then had to barge through all of them to get to the other platform, as I was doing so, not one of the oafs made even a slight attempt to make some space, and they all smelled like they’d drank 5L of beer (because they probably had). The whole thing looked like an evacuation scene in a zombie film. Americans, please, just don’t travel anywhere, please stay ignorant and stick to ruining your own country.
The next bunch of idiots are the majority of people on public transport, especially on the underground. The behaviours that drive me insane are ones that stem from a lack of common sense. Such as idiots that put their dirty feet up on the seats that people will use later. Or the douches that put their bags on seats which could be taken by standing people. By far the most annoying behaviours involve the train doors, both when getting on and off. When getting on, the idiots that stand at the doors drive me insane, especially when the doors start closing and they see me running to get in, but don’t move out of the way inside, so the doors end up clamping my bag (with that being said, I feel sorry for the doors that clamp my bag as they will lose that fight). Getting off is even more irritating though, I usually tend to be the first at the door because I want to bolt out and avoid the crowd. As the train pulls up I’m scanning all the people on the platform and planning my route for when the doors open. It boils my blood when the train pulls up and all the twats outside converge on the centre of the door, because I have nowhere to go and I have to instantly recalculate. But by far the worst, is when I don’t manage to be first at the door and I’m second or third because there were already people there. It’s annoying because they stand there as if they’re rushing to get out and then dawdle along while holding everyone up. This is the worst when I’m actually running late because of the train (stay tuned for the next entry).
The final group of imbeciles is the one with all the idiots that can’t even walk properly. When I’m walking my mind is always running like a computer, I’m always calculating the best route through and around people, how to best match my speed to what’s happening, always paying attention to what’s happening around me, anticipating things before they even happen and adapting pre-emptively. My mind is never at rest, that’s why I can weave and squeeze through the tightest crowds (other than that hoard of Americans) at lightning speeds, because I can see things before they happen, and I calculate for them.
This cannot be said for other people, as it turns out, other people have no spatial awareness at all, they have no concept of what is going on around them and they can’t get on the same line of thought as me when they see me coming the other way and it’s clear what my intentions are. This shows in the way they walk, whether they just get in my way or don’t realise that I’ve been walking 30cm behind them for the last 5 mins trying to get past. This is exactly the sort of stuff my dad rages about on the roads. How hard can it be to walk around without being a spanner? The arrogant bitches with the prams have earned themselves a dishonourable mention here. You know exactly the ones I’m on about. The ones that are coming the other way, you move over to the side and expect them to also move over a bit, because there’s usually enough space for both of you to pass comfortably, but instead they go right down the middle and either push you into a hedge or into the road. If there isn’t space, what are you doing in the tight bit first, you clown? Let them through first. Tools buried in their phones need to be briefly mentioned too. Get off your fucking phone and look where you’re going, others shouldn’t have to walk stupid lines because of you! If you really need to text, go off the side somewhere, stop, text and then carry on.
Recently my misanthropy has shot through the roof, to the point where I’m wishing death on random people for the smallest of things. Obviously not towards friends, but mainly when I’m on public transport or walking through town. If you were a random person this week and you did something as minor as walking too slowly in front of me, I probably fantasised about ripping your eyes out with my bare hands, shoving you into a combine harvester and feeding your useless remains to pigs and then making bacon from said pigs, you stupid fuck!
I’m not sure when the last entry will be released. But it might be either the end of next week or the week after.
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Enjoyed both stories
And word of adivce Rob dont come near were i live you would probably kill people
And with my real family holidays are the worst
Looking forward to your last one
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THIS!!
This is hilarious, and only you could’ve written it
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Read both! Like entry 8 and absolutely love entry 9!!! Well written and well said! Nothing more to add to it…
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You already know how I feel about people. I will never forget that day when we met at the station we decided to go to McDonald’s for lunch and when we saw the crowd we both just turned around and walked away from it
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That would be my reaction too… 
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The line was out of the front door.
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dayyyymmmnn that sarcasm 
hope you made it though
i usually get migraine attacks when im in those situations XD
wish you the best of luck
you know what is worst, those stupid motherfuckers who write obscene things on the bus seats and then put their music as loud as they can and, to be honest, their music is as stupid as them, disgusting people. Moreover, is when those assholes smoke whatever in these buses. Furthermore when those idiots just literally bump into you on purpose and act as idiots when you rinse and wash them with words of their worth. Not to mention when they’ll ask you to open the back door to get the back seats to literally eat the hell of your freaking ass.
that line double killed me
those who walk in groups in front and walk as if a piece of shit is stuck in between their asses this I know and who also walk as if they are in their living rooms, i wanna slit their throats cause they make me change my speed of walking which i totally hate.
that,s the reason why i love travelling with my dad cause he will be putting these illiterates in their places. There is much more fun when he is driving when these hoes just abruptly cross the road abruptly while having their bloody eyes in their damned phone along with their earphones on. I wonder if they don’t have at least a little of common sense when they have more than 4 of their senses working.
I’m being dead serious, usually it was 60-90 mins.
That doesn’t happen here.
One of the reasons I hate travelling with my dad, he gets in the driver’s seat and starts raging, usually before he’s even turned the engine over.
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Good for you not to go through this martyr
I guess every dads are like that
Martyr? Are you sure you’re using that word correctly?
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martyrdom I meant XD I translated it literally from French
I almost forgot I still had one entry left to write. Here it is, the last one, I don’t think there will be anymore after this one. Thanks to everyone who stuck around. There will be some polls in the post after this one.
Entry 10: Paid self-sabotage for the lazy
Entry 10: Paid self-sabotage for the lazy
“Are you lazy? Do you like to willingly sabotage yourself? Do you like to be in constant stress over whether you’ll be on time or not? Would you like to pay for all of that? Hi, I’m Dave from TFL, I’m here to tell you that you can be in this position! Just hop onto one of our trains and buses and you’ll be on your way to insanity in no time, and all for a nice price! TFL, always here to fuck you over when you least need it!”
I feel like this should be TFL’s marketing campaign, it’d certainly be very accurate. You pay them for a service and then said service doesn’t work and you end up losing. You do it not because you need the transport, but because you’re lazy. You’re too lazy to walk a mile, so you take the bus (I used to do this), you’re too lazy to learn to drive a car, so you take the train (I’m definitely guilty of that one). You take public transport, it goes wrong, you complain and then you come back for seconds, like some sick and twisted masochist.
Every morning you hear of signal failures on some line, every day there’s a multitude of delays of varying magnitude on various lines. The issue is so big that TFL feel the need to tell you that there’s a good service everywhere by making the AI voice chime in. Of course, it’s all bullshit, there’s NEVER a good service everywhere, there’s just delays that they can get away with not announcing. It’s even funnier when the announcement is meant to come on at every station, but I’ve never made it past the 3 stations mark before it stops, because something has gone wrong somewhere for the umpteenth time in X minutes.
I kid you not when I say this, from my experience, to TFL a MINOR delay is AT LEAST 20 mins. Any less than that and it’s not a delay to them. To put that into context, in Japan, 2 minutes is verging on being a crime. To them about 1.5 mins is considered a minor delay, and if there is a delay, they give you a special note to explain to your manager or teacher why you were late. If they had to pay a pound to every passenger on a delayed line for every minute that there was a delay due to signal failure, they’re fix those signals real quick. Tube workers are known for going on strike over pay and other things, but I think that passengers should do a mass boycott where nobody uses and public transport for a month straight.
I don’t know what’s worse, the trains, or the buses. I now refuse to take the bus unless I absolutely have to, and then I regret it immediately. When I absolutely have to, it’s usually because the trains have screwed me over so badly that I’ll be late no matter what I do, and I’d rather be at the place late, but not drenched in sweat and heaving like an asthmatic. As I’ve come to find out, I tend to walk the mile faster than a bus can drive it if you factor in waiting for the bus and then having it stop on every single stop. I go to extreme lengths to not take the bus, doesn’t matter what condition I’m in, doesn’t matter if I’m carrying stuff, doesn’t matter what the weather is like. I will not get on one of those things. They’re slow, crowded, noisy, built like shit, driven by imbeciles, they cost money and I can’t sit down in most of them, which is annoying because in some cases I can’t even stand up properly in them either.
If I wasn’t so lazy, I’d have a license and a car by now, but no, instead I chose to pay to get fucked over. Let me tell you a couple of stories. The first isn’t much of a story, but it’s worth mentioning, earlier this year, temperatures in the afternoon got to 25oC (77oF for the spanners) and 5 lines had to be completely shut down. Any sort of weather fluctuation and the entire country goes into panic mode. It’s no better on a chilly morning when most of the lines have delays.
Now, on to an actual story. I was heading in to uni one morning, everything seems fine, up until I got to the platform where they announced minor delays on my line. This must’ve happened on my way to the station as it was fine when I checked before I left. Already, I was kind of annoyed knowing what ‘minor’ really meant. At no point did I expect the shit storm that would go down. I must’ve been on the platform for a good 15 mins when the prat for the control room came on the PA system to say that for some reason our train (going to the outskirts of London) will be docking on the other platform (the crowded ones for the trains going into central). So, a packed platform for my train moves over to an even more packed platform for trains going into London, then the idiot comes on again to tell us that the train will be there in 2 mins.
We wait the minutes and then we see out train come and stop at the platform…that we were originally on! We all missed our train, because of the retard in the control room. He then had the guts to come back on the radio to say that the next train for Uxbridge will definitely be coming on the platform for the ones going into London. At that point, I thought to myself “Fuck this shit!” So, I moved to the regular platform (it was only me and about three other people who moved back), and sure enough, the train came on the correct platform again, and all the clowns listening to the prat on the PA got burned again. I get on the train, it sets off and then it stops between the station it just left and the next station…for 20 fucking minutes. I ended up being a hour late that day and my friend said that there were still delays when he travelled the same route, 2 hours later.
Then there was the time when I was getting back from uni, I was at my change-over station waiting for the train to come in, but it seemed to be stuck outside the station, I waited maybe 10 mins before I got fed up, went to my dad’s work place (the client’s house wasn’t too far from a station which serves a line that was passing through the station I was waiting in), had some Chinese, waited for him to finish and then we went home.
My most recent encounter with a signal failure was a week or so ago when I was heading into London to meet with a friend. My journey should have been 2 lines, instead I had to take a stupid route and change between 5 lines. I only just managed to get there in time.
TFL can fucking burn in hell, though we’re the lazy clowns who keep using their shit service and never do anything about it. It’s either self-sabotage for the lazy or the paradise of a masochist.
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I thought I’d make some quick polls to see what people think of COM
The worst entry?
- Entry 1: Life in the torture chamber
- Entry 2: One-idiot army
- Entry 3: Digital Cancer
- Entry 4: Inferno
- Entry 5: Alien
- Entry 6: WARNING! Side effects include but are not limited to: crushing realisations.
- Entry 7: Petty grudge
- Entry 8: Collateral damage
- Entry 9: Excuses for misanthropy
- Entry 10: Paid self-sabotage for the lazy
0 voters
The least worst entry?
- Entry 1: Life in the torture chamber
- Entry 2: One-idiot army
- Entry 3: Digital Cancer
- Entry 4: Inferno
- Entry 5: Alien
- Entry 6: WARNING! Side effects include but are not limited to: crushing realisations.
- Entry 7: Petty grudge
- Entry 8: Collateral damage
- Entry 9: Excuses for misanthropy
- Entry 10: Paid self-sabotage for the lazy
0 voters
Worst title?
- Entry 1: Life in the torture chamber
- Entry 2: One-idiot army
- Entry 3: Digital Cancer
- Entry 4: Inferno
- Entry 5: Alien
- Entry 6: WARNING! Side effects include but are not limited to: crushing realisations.
- Entry 7: Petty grudge
- Entry 8: Collateral damage
- Entry 9: Excuses for misanthropy
- Entry 10: Paid self-sabotage for the lazy
0 voters
Least worst title?
- Entry 1: Life in the torture chamber
- Entry 2: One-idiot army
- Entry 3: Digital Cancer
- Entry 4: Inferno
- Entry 5: Alien
- Entry 6: WARNING! Side effects include but are not limited to: crushing realisations.
- Entry 7: Petty grudge
- Entry 8: Collateral damage
- Entry 9: Excuses for misanthropy
- Entry 10: Paid self-sabotage for the lazy
0 voters
I can’t vote for the best because i like two of them the same but i can do the rest
Also i could really hear your frustration in this one so good job on that
Over all i will miss you writing stories you gave us ten really Good ones too and if you ever get really bored you can add writing to the things you can do
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